Confession

While I'm admitting secrets, maybe I should tell you that you meant the world to me and it hurts so much that you decided that our friendship wasn't worth the time. I hate you, but I miss you. Maybe someday it will fade, but for today it is an angry welt on my heart that keeps screaming curses at you for the betrayal. Are you Happy?

A Portrait of the Artist as a Flower

Humanity is a cannibalistic flower. We bloom, ever growing in this canopy of sky and sunshine. We devour ourselves, the bones of those before us, our brothers and sisters, our neighbors and friends. We are beautiful, colorful and chaotic. We are roses and dandelions, dancing and spinning through time and space.

Ever-changing and always the same. We are complex and simple in our complexities. We are a virgin and a whore, constantly moving from one body to the next in our hunger. This hunger is overwhelming, devouring us. In its wake we are transfixed by the greed and the need. We are sexuality and ritual, cannibals and whores. Flightless birds on a collision course.

We are a field of red. Red roses, red poppies, red paint dripping everywhere. Wars divide us, unite us. We stand alone, but stand together. We pick the flowers we like best and cut down the others, proclaiming them weeds. It is the same in every generation. We have our prejudices, our vices. We are purity and love, beauty and lust.

We are simplistic in our complex nature. Chaos mating simplicity and complexity in a ritualistic, cannibalistic and sexual frenzy. We try to escape, but there is no escaping the self. We find ourselves within the bodies of others, raping and killing, trying to find the truth in blood. In the end we are hacked down by the flowers behind us. Each of us weeping that it was not our time.

Hell is an empty House

Hell is an empty house.

That's what the sign said, dangling crookedly from a spindly hook.

Hell is an empty house.

Words painted in white on black boards; the handwriting shaky.
The words reverberate through the emptiness spoken by ghosts.

Hell is an empty house.

Drifting through, colors muted by the darkness, words that smell.
Can words have a smell? A taste bitter enough to make you wince?
The ghosts avoid that part of the house, afraid of the truth.

Hell is an empty house.

And all that remains to me is the sign that you made, it mocks me.
I watch it from the fireplace, watch as a breeze makes it sway.
You left me here to stare at the madness of it, the emptiness of it.
And all that remains of me is that sign, the sign you once loved me.

Hell is an empty house.

Penile Thinking

I am listening to your excuses,
        the verbal abuses.

Is it a name game you play?
        Her name, you say.

So you couldn't resist,
        a tempting kiss.

Let your penis do the thinking,
        now you are sinking.

Sinking...

Sinking...

SUNK.

Boy, I don't care that you were drunk.
         I don't care, you're a skunk!

So fuck you, fuck this.
         Enjoy her kiss.

I deserve better than you,
         and I loved you too.

Gray Eyes

   Your gray eyes hypnotize and entice me to dance.
They pierce me to the soul. Glowing in the sweet
silence of this room. I see our whole future in your
gray eyes.

Smothered

   My last bit of strength is gone. I'm slipping, grasping the last of my hope. My slender thread breaks, letting me fall into the dark waves below me.
   I fall into the darkness, smothered and buried beneath waves of pain. I try to cry for help, but I'm gone, drowning. I'm lost.

Hell II

   Empty and broken,
      the fires of Hell
licking my wounds.

No Longer

   I'm no longer going to
hide the real me, deep
inside. I have come to
stay, nothing will make
me hide away.
   I've been hidden for so
long, I almost forgot
who I was. But no
longer. This is the real me.

Remember

   I don't want to think, I want to forget.
Forget the pain you caused and the blood I lost.

Phantom

   I am all alone; scarred, broken and bleeding. Buried in a flaming hell, slowly fading into the oblivion of solitude. How long must I stay? How long must I remain without love, without hope, without anything, but the dark?
   Only the unforgiving dark remains, an empty, black, abyss to give comfort to my dying soul. As my soul is ripped from deep within me, I lay this rose in the snow. Blood escapes to the stones, my heart breaks.
   I am hidden, full of pain. Alone.

Prayer for Mercy

   Jesus, save me! Please, have tender mercy on
a filthy, wretched, sinner like me!

Wanting to Speak

   I want to say how much you mean to me, but I can't. I long to give you all my heart, but you don't know. I need you, all the time, like a soft wind breathing over me.
   Deep inside me lies a broken heart, longing for a gentle touch. My arms that desire your arms more than anything in this world.
   Oh how I long to tell you the truth about everything.
I love you.

An Opinion

   In truth we see ourselves as we are;
ugly creatures of darkness, miraculously
covered with beauty and light.

Blind Eyes

   You see a face,
but you don't see me.
   Sadness, not a trace,
but you don't see me.
   Bleeding under the surface,
but you won't see me.
   Desperate for a purpose,
but you won't see me.
You never will know me.

Abandonment

   I feel abandoned. The wind blows on my face, but no
one is there to wipe away the dust and the tears.
   I feel abandoned. Left alone to cry while the whole
world passes me by.
   I feel abandoned. No one understands or cares. So
what does it matter?
   I feel abandoned.

Mirror

   A small girl living in a glass house. Paper people and teddy bears surround her. All alone in her little blue world. When I look in the mirror, she's all I see. And now she's become me.

Sleep

   Tired eyes, weary head
sleep causes them to lay down.
Weary soul, tired spirit
death causes them to lay down.
   Once so tired, now so
dead, sleeping in a wooden
bed. Sweet upon a lovely
head, rested well and deep in
sleep.

Understanding

   People are afraid of what they don't understand.
And so many do not understand love.
   Many search for years and never find it.
Many search only to find it and let it slip from their grasp.
The few who find and keep it forever
cannot explain the blessing.
   Those who have never been touched by love
are scared of what they don't know. So they try
to destroy those who have it, all because they do not
understand.

Poetry

   Too many thoughts swirl
inside my head. Too many words,
to many pictures, too many memories.
Put my words to song, make
them dance, make them sing.
Put my words to poetry, make
it flow like a river. Cleanse
my soul with poetry.

Division

   I'm so divided. Scattered, as dots, over a paper
sea. A heart divided against itself, a civil
war raging underneath my ribcage. Cannon
fire makes my heart skip a beat. Wrestling
with inner demons that wish to break apart
my loyalties and demand that I obey.

Broken

   Bleeding, ripped and overshadowed by death. Kneeling
in the nakedness and everlasting agony.
   Torn and heartbroken, waiting for an end to the
pain. Broken and lost, oh, ongoing death.

The End of Time

  Not 'til the end of time will our love die.
   Not 'til the end of time will our love fly.
   Not 'til the end of time will our love cease to grow.
   Not 'til the end of time will I ever let you go.

Questions

What is life? What is death?
   What is anything in life?
   What makes life worth living? What makes death worth giving up?
   These are questions that seem to have no answer and, if they do have answers, where are they?

Untitled V

   The depression swirled around her in the
darkness. She tried to call the name of
Jesus, but it was swallowed in the abyss.
No one could hear her cries for help. The
enemy of her soul taunted her, his evil
mouth emitted cackles of pleasure.

My Desire

   I wish I was powerful and majestic like a lion.
I wish to be as beautiful and graceful as a horse. Oh,
if only I could be wild and enticing like fire, or be
able to stand alone like the wolf.
   If only I was fast and agile like a cheetah. I
want to dance across the heavens like a star.
   Most of all, I wish to be loved even though
I am none of these things.

Lost Before

   I was lost before I met you. I was hurting and
alone. I needed someone's tender touch to lead me
back to home. You were there for me when everything
was falling down.
   And, now, I realize, I love you more than ever before.
I want to tell you, say the words I want to.
I love you so much that I'm drying up without
you. Please, say you love me too.

And yet,

   Even death is bittersweet. We rejoice to be free of pain,
sorrow and corruption. Yet we miss those we've left
behind to carry on without us.

Searching

   I went to heaven to see if you
were there, but alas I couldn't
find anywhere.
   I went to the bottom of the sea
to seek your love, but you weren't
there just like above.
   I searched high and low, but
could not find where to
go.
   I called your name, to tell
you that I love you. But you
never said I love you too.
   So I wrote a poem, just
for you. I miss you and
I love you.

Letter to God

God,
   Will these be the last
   stars I see? I'm trembling,
   and my heart is pounding.
God,
   I know my time is just a
   breath to you. It's going in
   a moment.
God,
   You know my fears. Everyday
   I wonder, is this my last?
   My dreams scare me.
God,
   Evil is looming over me,
   I see the Devil laughing. Are
   You still holding me?
God,
   I just heard the shots ring
   out. They pierce my body and
   blood is seeping out. Please, hold me.
God,
   My tears are flowing faster than
   I can catch them. I was so
   scared of it and now it's here.
God,
   I hear your voice. I feel your
   arms. I'm dead now, but some
   how its okay.
God,
   Will these be the last stars
   I see? I'm trembling and
   my heart is pounding.

Last Breath

   Will this be the last breath
I take? The last thought I think?
Will this beautiful day be my
last?
   I'm trying to drink in the
beauty of these stars, but will they
be my last? Will this be my last
day in autumn's glory? My last full moon?
   Cascading sunlight brushes my
skin. Is this the last sun-soaked
sky I see? Is this my last love
drenched moment?
   Will winter's frigid beauty pass
me in my grave? I'm hungry for
the world around me, but the
more I take in, the more I wonder.
   Is this the last time I hold my baby?
The last time I see his face? Will
I see him grow up? Will what
I know murder me?
   I dream of the immanency of what
is coming. Is this my last dream?
Will this be my last writing? My
last poem?
   Will this be the last breath
I take? the last thought I think?
Will this beautiful day be my
last?

Christmas Poem II

   Jesus, born son of God, child of
Mary flesh and blood. Come to
Earth to love and save, so that
man will eternally live.
   He takes a cross and dies
so that children like me
may rejoice in free salvation.
   Darkness may lie all around,
but his beautiful light has the
power to surround and guard
me, keep and love me.
  My heart sings in my
chest as I know that
Jesus is above the rest.
   I'm so glad that He
was born to save on
this, a glorious, Christmas
day.