Dear Mr. President,

August 01st, 2012

Dear Mr. President,

It's a funny (as in weird) time right now, don't you think? All this insanity with your upcoming election (I am confident in your abilities as you can see) and the world is all a stage (as Shakespeare once said) set with chessmen. In the end it's kind of like that, a political checkmate with more than a chessboard at stake. Of course chess players don't usually play for keeps.

Mr. President, I am going to be honest, I'm not sure why I am writing you. My previous letter (before I was married I sent you a glittery Paris themed card) had a point. I wanted to tell you how much I supported you. I still support you (and not just because you were the first president I got to vote for). But this wasn't really going to be about that.

We're moving, not just as a country. Moving towards something ill-defined and frightening. I'm afraid, sir. Afraid that we're moving not for the better. We (the collective "we") have grown so lazy, prejudiced, paranoid and irrational. I feel like I'm trapped in the collective body of a rabid dog. I resist, but get pulled in again. It seems insane because it is.

Frankly, Mr. President, I could care less about your religious beliefs. The constitution (last I checked) said nothing about religion. I care that you have morals; compassion, honesty, etc. I don't care if you were born overseas or not (not that I believe you were, but I hear this ALL the time at work) because you were born to American citizens so it wouldn't matter anyway.

What I care about is you visiting the Colorado victims. I care about you paying the same amount of taxes I do. I care about you donating your Nobel Peace prize money. I care about you fighting for equal pay for equal work.

I care about you standing up for GLBTQ rights. I care about those things, Mr. President. I don't care if you worship Buddha or Krishna or Zeus for that matter. I do care if you use your power for good rather than "evil." Be Luke not Vader (well at the beginning Vader, you can be Vader overthrowing the Emperor. Huh, the Emperor could be Romney or big business and you could be Vader throwing them over the railing... Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a job creating your ads any time soon).

I'm sorry I ramble so, Mr. President.

I'm sorry I don't have more money. I want to donate. I want to have a chance to have dinner with you. I want to be more than one voice, but it's very hard being an adult, don't you agree?

I want so many things! I want my freedom. I want my health. I want my liberty and to pursue my happiness. I want to be a part of this so-called "Great Nation."

In truth, I just want to be happy. I want more than what I've been told I should want.

I hope I haven't bored you to tears, sir. I hope you and yours are doing well. I hope you continue the good fight, even if letters from supporters stop coming. Even if it looks bleak. There are people, like me, who can't afford Mr. Romney, sir. Especially those who think he is a good option.

Please beat him. Please continue to be the kind and wonderful human being you are. And please say a prayer (if you believe in that, I don't really anymore) for me.

In all sincerity and with great respect,
Sarai Smith
(formerly, Sarai Lillie)

Prayer for Mercy

   Jesus, save me! Please, have tender mercy on
a filthy, wretched, sinner like me!

Letter to God

God,
   Will these be the last
   stars I see? I'm trembling,
   and my heart is pounding.
God,
   I know my time is just a
   breath to you. It's going in
   a moment.
God,
   You know my fears. Everyday
   I wonder, is this my last?
   My dreams scare me.
God,
   Evil is looming over me,
   I see the Devil laughing. Are
   You still holding me?
God,
   I just heard the shots ring
   out. They pierce my body and
   blood is seeping out. Please, hold me.
God,
   My tears are flowing faster than
   I can catch them. I was so
   scared of it and now it's here.
God,
   I hear your voice. I feel your
   arms. I'm dead now, but some
   how its okay.
God,
   Will these be the last stars
   I see? I'm trembling and
   my heart is pounding.

Christmas Poem II

   Jesus, born son of God, child of
Mary flesh and blood. Come to
Earth to love and save, so that
man will eternally live.
   He takes a cross and dies
so that children like me
may rejoice in free salvation.
   Darkness may lie all around,
but his beautiful light has the
power to surround and guard
me, keep and love me.
  My heart sings in my
chest as I know that
Jesus is above the rest.
   I'm so glad that He
was born to save on
this, a glorious, Christmas
day.

When I first Loved

   They say the sweetest dreams are those that come true. The ones that can be held in your hands and loved for an eternity. My sweetest dreams came true when I first loved you.
   When I first realized I couldn't live without your smile, and tender heart, I knew you were the one. You were the one I'd waited, prayed and longed for. You were my wish come true.
   You were so much more than a passing friend. You listened, you were always there for me, good times and bad. Your kindness showed me love, true love. You showed me love past all my pain.
   You became a confidante, my best friend. I felt comfortable sharing everything with you. Your advice and compassion were arms that sheltered me from many a storm.
   Despite what you think, I've loved you from day one. Something in my heart said that you would help me heal. God prompted me to speak.
   Without God's prompting, I never would've spoken, never would've shared my hurt. I didn't
feel comfortable talking to anyone. God saw a need and He sent me you.
   And now, as I confess my love for you, I hope you find you love me too. You were, and are, my dream that God saw fit to make come true.

Going Back

   This is who I am, who I've become.
The girl you see isn't the real me. I've
been hiding for what seems like forever. The
other part of me tucked away so deep that I
couldn't find her. She slipped away to a
quiet place where she could see Jesus' face.
   This is who I am, who I've become. I'm
not fronting anymore. I refuse to hide who
I am, deep inside. I'm scared and alone,
but I won't back down, won't go back.
This is what I've become, I refuse to let
you bring me down.
   This is who I am, who I've become. You don't
control me, I won't let you. I'm not going
back and I won't go to my grave lie this,
I'm going to my grave, the real me, who I
was meant to be. Did you even care
enough to see?
   Jesus, hold me tight. I know I can't win this
fight, on my own. You've got to help me,
cause I'm not going to hide anymore.

Jubilee (Pulse of Love)

  Let the music pulse through my fingertips. Let the rhythm flow through my body, like the blood that gives me life. Let my feet dance with joy that floods the soul, move to the beat of a song that makes me sing.
   Let my soul rejoice in singing, let my mouth overflow with praise. For a God who saved my soul and a man who died in my place.
   Let the love of a perfect God pulse through my fingertips, let it cover every part. Let the rhythm of His glory flow through my body, like the blood that gave me life. Let my feet dance with the joy of the Lord that floods my soul. Move to the beat of His love that makes me sing.
   Let my soul rejoice in singing, let my mouth overflow with praise. For a God who saved my soul and a man who died in my place.
   This body is the Lord's to the fingertips, to the very soul, my very heart. His life flows through my veins, His blood clothes me. I'm all His, all His. Forever safe, loved more than His own life. Giving His life, His blood covering my soul and I will forever...
   Let my soul rejoice in singing, let my mouth overflow with praise. For a God who saved my soul and a man who died in my place.

Fast Train to Heaven

Carry me home on that fast train to heaven. I wanna feel it rock and roll all the way up to those pearly gates. Let that train carry my sorrow and worry to the arms of the Lord. Rest this fleeting body in that bed of Earth and let me ride that fast train to Heaven.

Ride away on that fast train to Heaven. Kiss all your cares and pain away. Bid this world an overdue goodbye and board that fast train to Heaven.

Wanna see my Jesus face to face, say goodbye to all my cares. No more tears, no more shame, washed by the blood of my friend, Jesus. Sweet comfort found in the arms of my Saviour, gotta board that train.

Ride away on that fast train to Heaven. Kiss all your cares and pain away. Bid this world an overdue goodbye and board that fast train to Heaven.

When all is done, songs been sung, and I'm laid to rest, gonna sing a new song. As I ride that fast train to Heaven.

Ride away on that fast train to Heaven. Kiss all your cares and pain away. Bid this world an overdue goodbye and board that fast train to Heaven. Fast train to Heaven.

All Aboard!

These Silent Stones (To America)

   These silent stones remember not the blood that
was shed upon their stern faces. Nor do they recall
the love I wooed and lost, in their rocky presence.
They shan't e'er remember.
   The silence envelopes these stones, much like the rest of
this world. We stand silently, faces stern and set, not
caring to recall how this country was founded. Not
caring to recall God or His hand in our government.
   No voice will we raise against the evils of this world.
No cry will escape our stubborn lips. Divided we will
fall. Shaken by attack we will stand. We have become
the source of many ills and wickedness.
   What has happened to this country? We have become a
place where black still isn't equal to white. Where
prayer in school is wrong. Where you really don't have
the right to your own opinions or freedom of speech.
   Where Muslim means you're a terrorist, and being a
Christian is old-fashioned and narrow-minded. A place where
no one is innocent until proven guilty. A place where a
man's rights are played, yet never really there.
   When will we see that we are headed for destruction?
America, when will you open your eyes and see the evil
you have become? Please, come back to God before it
becomes too late to be rescued!
   These silent stones remember not the innocent blood
that was shed upon their stern faces. The blood of
innocent children cries out, but America will remember
not. She shan't e'er remember.

To My Husband (whenever He comes)

   Begin in me, stir in me, breathe in me a love I did not know. Press your hand to my heart so that I may drink deeply from your wisdom and knowledge. Let me know what you know, speak words I didn't even believe were true, give birth to a whole new life within my soul.
   Let me lose control and you gain it, let me sleep quietly in the haven of your arms. Be my protection and my warrior. Love me, be one with my soul and heart. Let God be your guide, so that you might lead me into His light. Help me bear the pain, help me stand whenever I fall. Be a man after God's own heart.
   Say you'll be my best friend and lover, my warrior and gentle guide. Let me stray not to any other, but let me be your only. Your wife.

The Call of Jesus

    You say that I am not real, I do not exist.
I am nothing, merely a myth.
   But I've loved you all eternity, calling and
gathering you to me. A cross I bore to dark
Calvary, but you don't believe what you cannot
see.
   I created every part of you with the love of
a father. Molding you into the person you are.
   Can't you see me in all you do? See my
fingerprints on all creation? See me crying, and
dying, for you? Can't you see how you've broken
my heart?
   I died to save you, bring you home with me.
I long to pull you into my embrace, but you push me
away. Why won't you trust me? Let me carry
your pain, carry your heartache and shame!
   I have proved my love for you, by conquering
death and conquering sin.
   Please, don't give up faith. I stand beside
you, ready to help and guide you. All you have to
do is believe and call on me. Don't push me
away. Let me carry through the storms.
   I'm coming back soon, just wait and see. I'll
be taking home those who believe. Will you come too?
   I love you.

Rantings: Part II

   They do not know me, they can't see me. I will hide behind my outward appearance and let them flock to beauty, while I cling to my truth. And my truth will be all I need to withstand this coming storm. They will perish, but not I with them. They will die alone and I will be buried with my truth and my purity.
   I will remain aloft, afar from their sins and their blood will not stain my hands. They can sleep in their bed of coals and I in my oceans of calm, they are lies and I will no longer listen to them. Let them wallow in their self-righteous ways and I will keep myself to the quiet of silence and the peace of truth.
   They can't touch me. They are liars and I will not listen. Lies cannot penetrate me, will never touch me. Strength is within me, weakness is in their lies and I will not listen. No longer. No more. No man will capture me any longer.

Glass Boxes

   Beauty lies inside of me,
though hidden carefully.
   Death lies all over me,
for everyone to see.
   Poetry hides in my soul,
looking for a safe place to go.
   Evil hides within my heart,
ready and waiting to start.
   Life is full of contradictions,
hidden deep within the prisms.
   We trap ourselves in glass,
coffins built to last.
   We are broken-hearted,
bleeding and departed.
   Someone rescue me,
someone set me free!
   Does no one hear my cry?
Why do we even try?
   Someday I will be released,
given wings and space to breathe.
   Love was a cross bore to Calvary,
Christ's death sets me free.
   Trapped inside a tomb,
hidden in an Earthen womb.
   He breaks the chains, sets me free,
I fly to him, able to be.

They

   They say life is hard and it doesn't get better. But no
one said it would be this hard. No one ever said I would
have to watch my world shatter, breaking into a million
pieces before my eyes.
   No one said it would be easy, but they didn't say
you would have to live in fear. No one said I would have
to watch my heart break every day. Or that I would
watch myself grow old in the mirror, dying every day.
   They say God loves us, that He listens to our prayers.
I'm tired of this God who doesn't seem to hear me, who
doesn't seem to care. I'm tired of people who lie, who lie
about lying. I'm sick of this world and everything in it.
   If God exists, then where is He? Why isn't He here
with me? Why is He letting my family, my life, fall
apart? Does He even listen to prayers anymore? They
say He does.
   What do "they" know anyway? Damn them! Damn "they"
that say God is holy, but curse His name. "They" never
speak truth, hypocrites and murderers. If "they"
aren't sure, then I don't want to listen anymore.
   I refuse to listen.

Encouragement

   Let us carry the
banner of Christ.
   Though we fall, we
continue on. Though
all around us fails,
His might never will.
   We struggle not in
vain, but for the
love of the one who
died for us, we
carry on in the
everlasting battle.
   Let us be held
forever in His arms.
We are his forever.

Friends of my heart

  Sometimes my life seems jumbled.
I feel like a train off the tracks,
colliding with the pain inside.
   I try to hide it behind a smile,
but someone saw it all the while.
You always see my sorrow, no
matter how hard I try to keep
the agony deep inside.
   When I'm with you, life seems
right. You fill the hole where
my fragile soul needs it most.
   You are the light that I keep
in my heart. You show Jesus'
love when nothing is right.
   You have been, and always
will be, the reason I'm alive.
   Sometimes my life seems jumbled.

Daughter of Darkness

   I'm the daughter of the dark, sister of the wind, wife of the shadows, mother of the silence. I'm a wandering ghost, a distant memory. I'm forgotten, abandoned, alone, rejected.
   I'm being called into the light, pulled away from my troubled past. The light of love pulls me toward Him. I'm scared, afraid of pain. He caresses my shadowed, hollow, face. He whispers light into the corners of all my being.
   He leads me on, into the sparkling sunlight. At first, I cringe to see my filth. I try to hide myself from Him, but He gently speaks words of comfort and I follow.
   He washes my clothes in blood and they turn white and glorious. He places a crown of silver stars on my head and leads me to His Father's throne.
   We stand before the author and finisher of my faith and He lights my heart. My heart blazes with the fire and passion of being loved, no matter what I've done.
   I'm not the wife of the shadows. I'm a bride of the Son. I'm not the mother of the silence. I am going to be the mother of future believers. I'm not the sister of the wind. I'm the sister of the light. I'm not the daughter of the dark. I'm the daughter of the King of Love.

The End of Forever

   At times I feel as a person tormented by the inner demons
of Hell. Yet I have no demons.
   People say, "You have a gift, a blessing from God," then
why does it feel like a curse?
   I feel so wretched and not myself, as if the 'curse'
could affect my innermost being.
   Dreams of the past, present and future send themselves
through the whirlpool, which is my mind.
   I feel like a specter doomed to roam between this
world and the next. Not being able to find peace and rest.
   The mind plays clever tricks on a person, yet the
mind cannot be supported without help.
   Now comes the end of this dark poem and the end of the
dark time, as light pours through my dark, grim mind.

Out of the Ashes

   Out of the ashes you will rise.
To fly upon love's true wings, in
God's vast skies.
   From dust you will grow, and
God's wonderful love will begin
to show.
   From heartache and hardship,
God's arms will reach out. He will
hold you and comfort you through
all of it.
   God gave you youth and He
gave you love. Along with that
Satan sends pain and sorrow.
   Out of the ashes you will rise,
like a rose, like an angel, to
dance and sing for God's glory.

Contradiction

(Just a little background on this piece: I wrote this just after 09/11/2001, shortly before my 13th birthday. There was really no way to deal with the tremendous tragedy that I saw happening on the television screen, so I wrote what I felt. And for some reason this is what I got.) 

   I've seen war, I've seen peace.
I've seen sadness, I've seen happiness.
Sometimes I ask myself, why war, why
sadness? But then I realize that we
must have those things to have peace
with God. War with Satan to free myself
from this dark cell. Sadness that I
sin. Happiness that I'm forgiven.
And peace that I live with Him.