Noah arrives a few minutes after three, the king of 'never on time.' I am sitting behind the counter with my co-worker, chatting, when he walks in. He smiles and waves. Tossing a good bye over my shoulder, I follow Noah out the door. I hook my arm through his and we skip to his car, Dorothy and the Scarecrow off on an adventure in Oz. Noah takes me over to a new restaurant, the "Wicked Delicious," and before I know it we are seated with villainous menus full of "Witch's Brewskis."
"So, spill." says Noah, handing the menu to our waitress, who is dressed up like Harley Quinn decided to be a candy striper.
"I don't know that I can be serious in this environment, Noah." I reply, also handing my menu to the waitress. She smiles, brightly, before wandering off to get our drinks.
"Well let's start with something easy. What the hell were you thinking?"
"I don't know what I was thinking." I bury my face in my hands.
"I mean what made you think that was an okay thing to say?" he asks. I make a noise half way between a groan and a snarl.
"I don't know! I just, I was feeling too much."
"Like what? Like Celine Dion too much?" Noah leans in and drops his voice to a whisper. "Like, with your lady bits?"
"No!" I say, a furious wave of pink quickly taking over my whole face. “Well, maybe a little. But Noah I felt something else too. Like butterflies. Like, I don’t know. It was more than sexual attraction.”
“So what are you going to do?” The waitress returns with our orders and for a moment we are both lost in chewing. In-between bites of something called “Voodoo Chicken,” I stare off into space, almost longingly.
“What are you going to do?” he asks again, pulling me out of myself. He stares at me, quite intently, and I feel like he’s trying to peer into my skull.
“I don’t know. I don’t have his number even! And all I know is his first name. That’s not much to go on.” I push my food around on my plate for a minute, avoiding Noah’s eyes.
“So, how is it that he always knows where you are? Don’t you think that is a little creepy?” Noah takes a big bite of his “Ursula’s Seafood Salad” and stares me down.
“That, my dear Noah, is a very good question.”
"How do you intend to find out the answer?" he asked, taking another bite of his salad.
"Another very good question. I have no idea." I push my food around my plate some more and finally give up. I ask for a box and begin packing it up, while Noah takes care of the check.
"Might I suggest talking to him? I know its a crazy notion, but maybe you'll get an answer."
I look at him as if he just grew another head.
"You're suggesting I actually talk to him? You're not telling me to never see him again, get a restraining order, snap out of myself? Are you feeling well?"
"You know, I resemble the implication that I have always overreacted to situations. Resent, I mean resent." he smiles at me, inviting me to laugh at the joke and I smile. "Seriously though, Abe, I just want what ever is best for you. Destroying yourself over an asshole wasn't it and maybe this guy is the real deal and not a stalker. However, if he is a stalker, we always have Clark to defend us."
I laugh at that last, thinking of Clark fighting anyone, but quickly sober. Noah is right, damn it. He always is.
Somehow we find ourselves back in Noah’s car, driving back to the book store so I can pick up my car and go home. We ride in relative silence and I keep trying to think of ways that Jae isn’t as creepy as he seems.
At my car, Noah gives me a kiss on the cheek and I manage to drive myself home. Once I get there I flop on my bed, face first. Snuggles jumps onto the bed, beside me, and meows at me, nuzzling my head. I pat the bed a moment before my hand connects with a purring ball of fur and I pet him until he seems satisfied. I turn my head to look at him and he bumps my forehead, curling up next to my face.
We lay like this, Snuggles and I, for a good twenty minutes before I finally build up some semblance of motivation. I putter about the apartment for a moment, straightening miscellany before plopping down on my couch.
What if I’ve screwed everything up with Jae? What if he really is just some creepy stalker person? What if I’ve lost my damn mind? Oh, wait, that’s already happened. I heave a theatrical sigh, roll my eyes at my antics and decide I have to go to the beach.
I dig through my closet a moment, grabbing all the bits of my glow stick kite and a blanket to sit on, before leaving for the beach.
The drive doesn't soothe me and the more I think about the whole situation the more agitated I become. What if Noah is right and Jae is just like all the other men I've been with? A creep. Someone who just thinks he is madly in love with me. Someone who stalks me. I can't even stand to think about that, because I feel sick thinking about it. I realize that I actually have feelings for Jae, even though he is almost a complete stranger to me. My chest hurts as I pull into a parking spot. It continues to hurt as I unpack the car. And it hurts all the way down to the sand.
Sitting on the beach, my knees pulled up to my chest and my toes dug into the sand, I stare off into the horizon. My life has become soap operatic to the extreme and I brought it all on myself. I involved myself in dalliances, broke hearts, including my own; broke a nose, broke up a friendship. Resting my cheek against my knee, I sigh, again. A lot of things have become broken over this mess. And now, when I think I might have a chance to fix something, I realize that it might not be what it seems. And how can you fix something when you don't even know what it is.
As if he were summoned by my thoughts, Jae comes up and sits beside me. I don't jump, because when he sits down it feels as though he has been sitting beside me for years.
"How do you always know where I am?" I ask, glancing over at him. He looks very serious, his lime colored eyes searching the darkening horizon. "Are you stalking me?"
"It does seem that way, doesn't it?" he replies, nonchalantly. He looks at me and I feel this rising bubble of something inside me. I don't know what to call it, this combination of hope and desire and fear, but it feels as though my chest may explode.
"Yes, it does."
"Its mostly coincidence, to be honest. Though, I feel like it is more fate than coincidence. I will admit to having some stalker-ish tendencies. I passed you and your girlfriend at the grocery store a couple times and then when I saw her picture in the obituaries I had to see you. I was worried about you, every time I saw you with her it was as if you had discovered color for the first time. I can't imagine what it must have been like to find her."
I feel myself tearing up, imagining Annabelle and I wandering the grocery store and him passing us.
"I may have also called every book store in the area. Twice." he looks sheepish at that last, ducking his head a bit. I laugh and, instinctively, lean over to kiss him. Its a short kiss, but when I pull away and look into his eyes, he pulls me back to him and kisses me in earnest. I feel all the mixed emotions expand in my chest, my face flushing with excitement and anxiety. After a moment, I push away, gently placing my hands against his chest and putting a silent wall between us.
"Abra," he says, looking concerned. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No," I say, shaking my head. "No. I just, I'm not ready, Jae. I'm not ready to be in another relationship. I'm not ready, though I wish I were. I don't even know your last name or your phone number. You're like a ghost that appears to haunt me and then leaves me questioning my sanity. I don't know how to be around you because I have so many different feelings that won't let me think or breathe."
"Lee."
"What?"
"My last name is Lee. And my full name is Jae Hwa. I'll give you my phone number. I'm willing to go slowly. I'm willing to do anything you want. I'm willing to wait forever, Abra." He holds my hand in between both of his and looks at me, his face so serious, but his eyes are sparkling.
He says my name like it is the sweetest thing he's ever tasted. He says it and it is the most exciting and erotic thing I have ever heard. He says it and I believe he means every word he says. I look at him, the ache in my chest becoming almost unbearable. All I want is to be held.
"Abra," he gently pulls me toward him, mumbling my name into my hair. He hesitates a moment, to see if I will pull away again, and his eyes search my face for something I don't know. He sighs and holds me against his chest. He inhales slowly, as though he were trying to breathe all of me in.
"I love you." he says, pulling back to look at me, smiling. And I believe him.
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