Stolen Breath: Original

She's sitting on my doorstep. She doesn't have a name.
But she breathes and she cries and she bleeds, just the same.
She is whispering softly to the moon, her pale hands
outstretched, reaching and grasping the sky in broken pieces.
She is sitting in the middle of the road now. Invisible cars
fly by her, not daring to touch those beautiful bruises,
un-willing to break the bubble she has placed herself in.
She is talking loudly now, her voice making the world shake.
She is crying now, her mouth a bleeding slit against the
white darkness. Freedom isn't free, she cries. Love is never
true. And we all die before our time, with nothing left to do.
She is lying in the middle of the cemetery. Her clothes left
behind in her agony. She is pure white, blanched bones
scattered about her, against the black earth. She is dying,
trying to flee that mortal frame. Let the crimson fall, translucent
against the emerald greens.
I am sitting on my doorstep. I don't have a name, not anymore.
But I breathe and I cry and I bleed, just the same.
I am whispering softly to the sun, my browned hands outstretched,
reaching and grasping the stained and shattered sky in pieces.
I am sitting in the middle of the road now. Infinite amounts of
withering roses scattered about as the cars fly by. I don't dare
touch these beautiful bruises, purple and bloody against bleached
bones that never felt. Un-willing to break the cage that holds me.
I am screaming now, my voice rising and falling in crescendos
that have lost their meanings in the middle of twilight.
I am crying now, my mouth a sharp knife against the wound
of these skies. Freedom isn't free, I echo. Love is never true.
And we all die before our time, with nothing left to do.
I am lying next to her, we are stark ivory against bloody earth.
The bones seem to sing a haunting lullaby as we close our
eyes against the birth of the moon to a barren sky. We clasp
our hands together. Promising to hold on, no matter what may come.
No matter what may tear us apart. She vanishes from my heart,
not even a whisper of her soul left behind to caress the loneliness.
And we are miles apart, standing a hand's breathe from one another.
She in her dying womb, I in my empty grave. Grasp the silence
with bloody hands, take what is given and leave what is not.
I am alone again. Sitting on my doorstep with only these tremulous
memories.

A Story for Sam

Once upon a time,

There was a young woman who lived in a very small house under the ground. She was terrified of the storms of life that occurred all over the world above her. But she wasn't afraid as long as she stayed in her little house underground.

One day, a storm knocked a hole into the roof of her little house. And one stream of pure white light filtered down to her.
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She tried to touch it and hold it, but couldn't keep it. And as the days changed, the light began to change too. Darkness encompassed everything, though one strand of light still remained.

Out of desperation to capture the light and hold it forever, she decided to venture out of her house and into the world above. She packed a few clothes; cheese, meat and some bread; a knife and a sheepskin of water. Then ventured forth into the world.

The first thing she encountered outside of her house in the ground was a mouse. He bowed to her, then scurried away. Confused, she followed him. She had never seen such a polite mouse before. "Do they all act like this above my house?" She wondered. She followed him for a very long time, through tall trees, across creeks, over hills and down valleys.

Finally, exhausted she gave up and sat upon a white stone. Noticing that she had stopped following, the mouse returned to her. "Why were you following me, child?" he asked

"Because, I have never seen a mouse bow to me before. And I am new above ground." The mouse studied her for a moment,
then replied, "Well, then I shall show you the world. But you must do me a favor. Be my wife, cook and clean for me and love me. Don't ever leave me for another or I will be very sad and die."

At first, startled, she just stared.

Then she finally said, "I will marry you, be your wife, cook and clean for you and love you. I will never leave you or I too would be very sad."

So, She married the mouse and he showed her the world.

The ceremony was lovely. The bride wore white gossamer and lace and the mouse groom wore a black bark suit with a tiny black hat.

Now, the first place that the mouse showed the girl was a place called America. America scared the young woman. It was busy and bustling. Many people were angry, burning crosses and killing others because of their skin color. She didn't like America very much. It was to full of hate and the storms that she had hidden herself from back in her old home.

The next place he showed her was Africa.

Africa was dark and very hot. The people there had very dark skin, that pleased her. She wished she could have skin like that. But then she saw other's who had pure white skin and she wished to have that skin as well. There were many beautiful animals in Africa. She loved them all and wanted to have one, but the mouse said that it was not yet time for pets.

Next he took her to Europe. There he showed her a mermaid that was frozen in stone and a castle that was haunted by beheaded queens. He took her underground and showed her underground cities. Then he sailed with her down a canal with lovely pieces of art on either side of the water road.

Then he took her through Asia.

The people there had a yellowish skin and ate lots of rice. She loved it very much in Asia. Because of the beautiful cherry blossoms that would float down from the trees and bury the grass in white and red petals.

Then he took her to a place called Antarctica.

It was very cold there, so cold that she almost froze. She had to always hold the mouse very close so that they could stay warm.
There was really nothing but beautiful white and blue ice as far as the eye could see.

Last he took her to a place called Australia.

In Australia, the people had interesting accents and different words for everything. It was in Australia that she met a young man named Xavier.

Xavier had lots of black curly hair that framed his heart-shaped face. And lovely green eyes that sparkled. He was also very smart and he made the young woman feel things she had never felt before.

All the while the mouse watched his wife. He became very lonely, because the young woman began spending more and more time with Xavier and less and less time with the mouse. But He couldn't blame her. He was a mouse and Xavier was a man.
A young woman needed a man, not a mouse.

So, in the middle of the night, the mouse left his wife, asleep, kissing her forehead gently. When the young woman awoke, she realized that the mouse was gone. She became very heartsore and Xavier could not cure her lonesomeness. She knew in her heart that she had hurt the mouse and she wanted him back with her more than anything in the world.

So she began her search for the mouse.

She searched all of Australia with it's strange accents and strange words and strange animals. Calling in the full light of the moon for her beloved mouse.

She then went to Antarctica, clinging to her cloak, and calling for him.

She then went to Asia, with all its beautiful cherry blossoms and its rice and yellow people. Asking everywhere, "Have you seen my mouse husband?"

But no one had seen him.

She traveled to Europe with its haunted castles and water roads and all the beautiful art. But she could still not find him.

She then searched Africa, with its Black and White people, crying endlessly for her mouse husband. She began to fear that he was dead from a broken heart. The broken heart that she had caused.

Lastly she searched America, with its burning crosses and hatred. But still she could not find him.

Finally she went home to her house in the ground, vowing to never leave the house again. Her mouse husband was gone and she would love no other.

For many years she sat alone in her house under the ground, longing for her mouse husband. Longing to hold him close to her again. In her mind she hated herself for what she had done to him. She had not meant to break her promise.

Then one beautiful autumn day, there was a knock on her door.

When she opened it, a handsome young man with brown hair falling about his face was standing there. He had very kind eyes, warm like melted chocolate. He had a very kind smile and the smile lit all the way up to his eyes.

"Miss?" He asked, smiling

"Yes?" she replied

"I have a message for you from your husband."

Jolted she began to cry. Collapsing into the young man's arms. Brushing her hair back, he whispered into her perfect ears.

"Because you loved me, and searched the world for me. I have returned to you. You broke a curse over me. And I have spent this time searching for you as well. I have missed you and loved you with all of my heart." Then he brushed her tears away and kissed her lips.

"I am your mouse husband. Cursed by cruel fate to live as a mouse until I found a woman who would love me enough to search the world for me. And you did."

That day, the mouse/man and the young woman renewed their marriage vows. They lived all over the world and raised many beautiful children who one day ruled those countries and made the world a better place. Because, true love conquers all.

The End

Never Good Enough

Lets face it, I'll never be good enough for you.
I'm never pretty enough,
Thin enough,
Smart enough.
I give up, I'm through. I can't ever please you.

All you people, looking down your long noses
at me and my life. Its never good enough, I'll
never fit in to your mold or fit into your square.
So, I'm the worthless one, the one undeserving
of any love. Because I'm never good enough.

You had me convinced. I was sure that I was
the monster. I was the problem, the one in the
wrong.
I was to ugly,
To heavy-set,
To stupid.
I had given up. I was to tired to fight back.

I can't ever be good enough for everyone. Had
me convinced that I was the blemish on every-
thing. I was the ugliest of human beings,
disgusting and vile. No one could love me,
because you said I was never good enough.

Well let me tell you what, I am over that now.
I'm over your cruelty and lies. So what if I'm not
Pretty,
or thin,
or Smart?
I am who I am. And in my own way, I'm prettier
and just the right size and more intelligent than
you will ever be.

Wanna know why? Because when you love
someone, they are fine the way they are. You
must've never truly loved me, because I was
never good enough. But I'm above that now.
I'm good enough for myself.

Wedding Vows: aka I Promise

I give you my heart, please don't break it. It can be
more fragile than glass. It will beat only for you, bleed
only if you ask it to. It loves you more than anything
in this whole world. I give it to you, to protect and
hold, forever yours. Will you give me yours too?

I give you my body, please don't abuse it. It can
be fragile too. It will work for you, move with you, be
as one with you. It, too, loves you. Hungers for your
touch, begs for your caress and yearns for you to
hold it close, forever yours. Will you give me yours too?

I give you my soul, that we may transform from two
into one. One heart, one body, one soul. It is willing
to die to save you. Willing to sell itself to Hell, if that
is what it takes. It longs for you and I to be joined,
held close, forever yours. Will you be one with me?

I promise. Give my word that I will Love you, Honour
you and Obey you. In sickness and in health. Through
the worst times and the best times. For richer or
poorer, in sadness and joy. Forsaking all others, to
hold you close, forever mine.

Apart

   I'm sitting here. He's pacing about. He's screaming. I'm going deaf. I am pushing him out, clapping my hands over my ears to stop the sounds. I don't know how we got here, but I know its not all my fault. One hundred percent on both parts, thats what we said. One hundred from both. So when did it become two hundred on mine and none on yours? We can't keep going on like this, dear. I can't love you enough to make you stay, and you don't hate me enough yet to leave. I uselessly spend these tears on a pillow, you don't care, so why should it?
   So what do we do? Stand here, pacing about in circles, growling and snarling at each other like feral cats in a cage? I won't be caged dear, and I won't stand to let you try. I can't stand to see you caged either, so don't make me attempt it. I don't want to hurt you anymore, I am to tired to argue. Go ahead, keep screaming, it won't help. Its not going to help the matter, and the words only fall to the ground like dead dreams and hopes. Love, such a funny word to bring up now. Such a strange emotion to suddenly appear here beside us. We are divided and yet love once stood with and between our breaking hearts.
   You finally sit. It is my turn to pace the room. The silence is deafening, you're whispering truths that don't want to permeate the air. I can't breathe. Sweetheart, can you? My heart is dying in my chest, yours is withering too. Go ahead, say it. Say you want out, tell me the lies that want to escape your mouth. You do love me, we've grown to far apart, we should move on. We should separate. And with those three words you toss these years over your shoulder and never look back. I can't do it, babe. I can't move on. I don't want it to end like this. I don't want to lose you this way, shouldn't have to.
   So you move on, you go on to the next love. The next girl to make you happy. I'm standing in the rain in front of your door. I can hear you laughing on the other side. The rain is pouring down, I'm drenched, but I can't leave it. I hear you say you don't know me, hear the truths you kept hidden suddenly free themselves and fly. I hear you kiss her. I hear you love her, they all say you do. But I'm not going to listen, I'm still standing in that house with you pacing and screaming. You are telling me that you hate me, hate how I am, hate who I am. And I always loved who you were.
   Memories flood to the surface, like blood to the skin. The time we sat quietly by the ocean, our dreams interwoven with the white clouds above. We were so young, so gentle and soft. That was years ago. Now we have hardened, growing up and then letting the gaps increase. Let the cracks grow wide and destroy us. I can't love you enough to make you stay and  you don't hate me enough to leave. So we continue, hold hands like its the truth. Touch lips like they need to experience that pain. Leave. Darling, if nothing is left to salvage, just leave. Throw the years away, begin again with another lover. I'll be okay. But lets not stay this way any longer.
   I loved you more.

Boy and Girl

Girl: The darkness takes you. I am left alone and
so very cold. Baby, why'd you fade? Don't go, please
stay. Words echo, empty and forgotten as a misguided
arrow.

Boy: As my eyes see white and black, the darkness
consumes the light. There is no going back. I can't stay.
I don't want to go alone, I can't hold on. Your words
aren't lost, I hear them, hit straight and true.

Girl: Baby, I'm so alone. I'm screaming your name to
the fires that burn memories. You're falling further and
further. I can't feel you anymore. You've left me
shivering in the frigid, dark, air.

Boy: Sweetheart, You aren't alone. You're screaming
and crying, your tears touch my soul. The fires, let 'em
burn, memories do only harm. I'm holding you, can't you
feel my arms? Take my warmth, baby, don't cry.

Girl: I've forgotten what your voice sounds like. Blood
runs to your side. Dear, I never meant to lose you this
way. Sunshine tries to flood this broken womb, but its
to full of broken dreams. We separate.

Boy: Hear me, I'm calling out to you! You're turning gray,
baby. I try to kiss those perfect lips, but they fade. I
wonder, are you the ghost or am I? Can you hear me?
My screams come back, void.

Together: Alone.
                Frozen.
                Broken.
Baby, if its all the same, the dark was a better
lover anyway.

Frozen

The snow seems to only fall inside this space.
Frost glazed eyes, frozen and colder than ice.
Lay down your mind baby, let it freeze and fall.
Sleep is good, let it brush your body, baby.

Forget all this stuff that seems to break us. Forget
all these memories that tear us apart. Baby, its
just a nightmare. Love is real, heart is true. Mine
and yours, lets forget all the world.

Sweetheart, frozen we are broken and bleed it
out slowly. Give me your heart, I'll give you mine.
Forget the people that stare us down, they don't
know anything.

We aren't frozen, we aren't to far gone. Don't let
them whisper their honeyed lies into your perfect
ears. Scream your truths, scream our truth! Let
them go, fall down and splinter.

When love is true it will show itself, broken by
the storms of waiting. Worth the wait, let my heart
remain open. Touch my mind to yours, soul to
soul, heart to broken heart.

Second-hand Memories

Lying on the beach, the sun-soaked sand burns my skin.
He is looking out to sea, lost in his memories.
I touch him, but he isn't there. Just a shell, lost in his
second-hand memories.

So we sit, let the sun beat down, let the rains wash over
this already drenched ocean. We aren't here.
He touches me, his fingertips soft and strong against
this frozen shadow.

All those memories, flood upward, crashing on us like
hysterical waves against a bloody shore.
She touches the emptiness between us. It is her fault,
her memory kills us.

So I stand, across the gap. No bridge to get across.
He won't let me in, we are both lost. Closed off.
I can't touch him, He can't touch me. Lost in our conflicting
second-hand memories.

Trust

   You say, "Trust Me".
Give me a reason to! How
can I do that when all you
do is destroy it?
   You say, "Love Me".
I do! If you can't see it I
don't know what to say. You
hold my heart, don't you see?
   You say, "Be with me".
I am, I am next to you, quiet
when you are mad, loving
when you are gentle.
   Trust you, love you, be
with you. Trust Me! Let me
prove my worth, prove my
point.
   Love Me! If you want
it return it! I will gladly give
you my heart. Be with me and
I will be yours forever.

Sweetest Nightmares: the Poem

   Overwhelmed, sadness of these many destructive years
press the walls 'til they break. Loneliness weighing heavier
than the chains that bind us here. Need a little room to breathe,
a little space to spread these weakened wings.
   The darkness is coming, rising like the heat. It sears the
lungs, so you can't breathe. Covers everything in those painful
waves. It eviscerates everything, blinding and binding.
Separates bone from marrow, come darkened sky.
   Shattered by the black, the world stands back. Let the
bastard come, life is done. Caught between Earth and sky.
Crushed glass falls, let it take the mind. The dark is coming,
no time to hide. Stand and let it come, let it wash over me.
   Cross its path, lightning strike. Everything is broken,
the darkness biting down to the soul. Once bitten, never to
heal, fester and rot. Carrion drifts on the wind, fill the senses,
take it in. Ride the wave, let it surge 'neath this breakable form.
   Darkness come, erase this mind, let the insanity run free.
Spread these broken wings, ease the pain and be taken.
Eviscerated, shattered and broken. My bones will dry, the
soul forgotten inside. Singers of death, play my song.
   Let Me Bleed.

Illuminati (Illuminated)

Harlequin dances about the floor, surrendering to Demons
and Angels, silhouettes and innocent shadows. She stands,
mythical and poetic, spinning her dreams out like darkened
spider webs. Caught by her own vanishing nightmares.

Violent and gentle, she spins and twirls, the ribbons flying
up and fluttering to the floor. Above her the sky seems to
burn, the horizon is downcast and she is tied to this hideous
form. Circled by Hell's vicious dogs.

Silky are the voices that call her inside, bluer than the moon
outside the painted glass. They tease her, push and pull her
down. Violet sunlight floods the circle that divides Heaven from
her Hell, tied to the knives spinning round.

Lacy snow falls in the midst of summer's tears. Pink and Ivory
against the erratic world flowing into her. She studies the
imperfections of a rose, standing before the Court of the moon
and her lovers. Dulcimers play at the edge of her sanity.

Fiery kiss upon her cursed lips, a virescent larkspur to
resurrect her. Now fanged, she lets the blood flow, the
honeyed lies and sweet brokenness take control. Her womb
is bleeding, rape the soul. Shatter the glass, make it whole.

Adorned in bloody rubies, glittering in the darkness of the sun.
She stands, new born. Two has become one, Harlequin no
more. Let the walls that have imprisoned her vanish as she
rises to shine. Illuminated by her own silver tongue.

Drugs and Violence

   She tries to recall the sound of her daddy's voice, but
she can't. Years have passed since she heard him speak,
years since he told her that he loved her or called her by
name. When she can't stop the tears she sees his face
and wishes he was there, but...
   Drugs and violence took her life away. They dragged her
under where she couldn't breathe. She lives with it everyday.
   He sits in his cell, he's holding a photograph of his little
girl. He wonders how he got here, where did he go wrong?
He thinks about the life he lost, how he can't change it
now. As the tears roll down his cheek, he sees his
daughter's face and he wishes he could be with her. His
father's mistakes become his own.
   Alcohol and violence took his life away. They dragged
him under wouldn't let him breathe. Your father's mistakes
don't have to become your own, but he lives with it everyday.
   She's 17, trapped by her father's mistakes. He reads the
paper and can't believe it ended this way. Crimson paints
the pavement in front of the church, where his daughter
died. Her life was just beginning, but its already over. As
they wheel her away, her daddy cries. She got into what
she shouldn't and, now,
   The drugs and violence stole her life away. Dragged her
under where she couldn't breathe. In the end its the
choices you make, they affect everyone. She lived, and
died, with the drugs and the violence everywhere.

The Mermaid: Chapter V

Chapter Five
            As he pulled her up, the water rocked under them. Together, they stood upon the water, her tail slowly changing back to legs. She could not see him, her back to his chest, only everything around her. Then, as if in a dream, the water rose to the sky, engulfing them in a wave of water. Fire shot out of the deep, ashen lightning struck all around them, everything shook. For a confused moment, the mermaid thought that she could see her father above her, throwing down stars and pieces of the sky. It was then that the demon pulled her close to his chest, her back pressed close to him. He, too, was looking up, into the face of the breaking sky. He seemed afraid and angry at the same moment.

            Then he crossed his arms across her chest and dragged her under. At first she fought him, trying to escape his embrace, trying to breathe. Her body struggled to return to tail and fin, her body half faded. It was as if his arms were burning into her flesh, as if they were becoming one as they reached the floor. The ocean floor began to open beneath them, surrounding them in darkness. Her heart beat furiously as they touched earth.

            For the first time in six years, the change was painful. It tore, what remained of, her body down and seared it back. She now only had one arm and one leg. She could still walk, as if it was still there, but no evidence existed. Her body ached, and shook from the pain. She could not feel anything, only the pain that held her down.

            The demon held her closely as she changed. He knew how the pain was all that existed in her at the moment. She shook violently, just as the world above them shook and tore apart. If it was possible, in that moment he loved her. He longed to set her free from the pain and the eternity she would suffer alone. His lips brushed her spider web thin hair and his hand grazed hers.

            As she regained her vision, Troian began to notice the darkness all about them. All she could see was the demon's glowing white hair and bloody red tips. His face remained shrouded by the cloak and a gentle mist that encircled them. In that moment she wanted to see his face, see the expression. Was it evil or good? She did not know why she wanted to know, but the question continued to persist. She could feel his eyes on her, his arms slowly releasing her body. His gaze unsettling, even in the dark. The silence wrapped its arms around them, causing shivers to run up and down her spine. She could feel his heart beat, feel his soul take a breath, in the silent shadows.

            He stretched out a hand to touch her, but, as if sensing his touch, she drew back, afraid. He seemed to ignore this, moving closer to her. She tried to move back, but found she could not, her back against a barrier. His hand brushed her face, the heat of his hands burning into her. She remembered Jael's fingers, icy to the touch so that they burned.

            When his lips found hers, his kiss burned against her mouth, at once the most heartrending experience of her life. It stole her breath, both sweetness and pain, soft and harsh. It burned against her soul, touching every part of her, without leaving her lips. It was at once heaven and hell, fire and water, the deepest pain her blood and soul had suffered. She knew that this would be the last thing she felt, the last taste of life she would touch. Good and evil were laced within that kiss and her death sealed it.

            It was destined that she die in his arms. That she fade with only his kiss to follow her lost soul for all eternity. In the depths of her soul, it was truth. Truth was not a myth, for it lay here, it was touching her deep within. It was good that she lost Dante, to gain this demon and lose herself. Finally, she would not have to remember anything. She was finally free. Even as she faded further and further away, his lips remained against hers, she would never be alone again.

            For in the never-ending black abyss of hell, she could remember that kiss. All she could think of was that he had freed her. With his kiss, with this final gentle touch, he had freed her to lose herself. He had freed her to lose herself, find her peace, find her truth and be who she was before love destroyed her. In those last moments she left herself behind, fading into oblivion.

The Mermaid: Chapter IV

Chapter Four
            "I do not know why I feel I should tell you, but it is as if some burning desire is in me that will not be quenched. As if you were wishing for me to speak it. Maybe, in speaking it, I will obtain the peace I have searched so long for.

            "I was kidnapped, mermaid. Stolen from my home and taken on board that ship. I was abused by the captain, using me to his own evil purposes. I wanted revenge, but not on you. I never had the chance to take my revenge, because just as the storm began is when they did this,"

            Jael hesitated, touching her chest with tentative fingers. She pulled on the fabric, letting it slip slightly to reveal a bloody opening across her chest. It was empty of any heart. In her memory, Troian saw Jael's body floating atop the water, her chest a gaping chasm, empty.

            "Why have you not asked for your heart?" asked Troian, she lightly touched the hollow.

            "When they murdered me, all I could think of was revenge. I have never longed for my heart, only for the peace I should possess. I just want the peace and freedom denied me. That is why I come every year. Not for my heart, only seeking peace. And every year, it is not to be found. I have searched for years and still have not found it, nor the source of it."

            "It isn't here." Replied Troian.

            "I now know that. And, soon, you will not be here either." The ghost lightly brushed fingers across the mermaid's lucent skin.

            "I know. I'm fading, dying. In a way, I'm transitioning, preparing for hell. I fear that, after tomorrow, I won't see you again. This is my last winter as a mermaid. My last winter with you." She shivered under Jael's touch.

            "Why, mermaid? Why are you to be punished?"

            "I asked to much of my mother. Because I rejected the gift that had been given me. I tried to throw away my life, which had only become mortal after I had pleaded for it. I longed for more than my fair share. And that was unforgivable."

            For a long time they sat quietly together, both longing for comfort. As it got darker all around them, Jael began to disappear. Before she was completely gone, she pressed an icy kiss to Troian's cheek. She remained quiet, looking up at the stars and wondering. She pondered everything Jael had said, piecing everything together in her mind. The sky seemed to be so empty, so completely bare and void of anything, even stars. She could almost see through the window of the heavens into her old home, her old life. Just as she could see through herself.

            She looked down, where her hands had been. She had faded almost completely. Her hands were gone and her hair was turning silvery and thin like spider webs. The slender bones that made up her body appeared under the surface. Rivers of blood rushed under where her skin had been. It seemed strange to her, that she die now. Why not when her heart was broken beyond repair? When her soul had weighed so heavily inside of her that she feared it would leave her behind to face the end? Why not then?

            She was afraid, more afraid of fading than she had ever been. As if summoned by her fear, threatening clouds covered the moon. Demons sprang from the dark, one plucking at her arm. One grabbed her hair, pulling her head back. He was handsome, with blackness in his eyes and evil written across his face. Though evil existed on his face, a mixture of purity and loveliness claimed it as well. He seemed to be a mixture of both, a vague light of passion and fragility glowed under the black that overwhelmed his eyes.

            His hair was intensely white, the tips of it dark crimson as if it had been dipped in blood. He stopped a moment, as if her translucent beauty made him remember something. As if he saw some of the same mixture in her eyes as well. Only he seemed to see what she had seen reflected in the eyes of a ghost. That subtle sense of darkness and something sinister, that lay deep within. For a moment longer they stared into each other's eyes. Then he released her hair.

            The others had also been staring at her, watching the two of them in a sense of disgust and awe. They recoiled slightly at the pure beauty they saw. If they, too, had looked into her eyes, they would have seen what he saw. As if waiting for a cue, they stood still. The moon above remained engulfed by clouds and every second the darkness grew.

            Then, suddenly, they overcame her, like waves on top and all around her. She tried to escape, pushing away and moving toward her beloved ocean. She screamed, crying out for help. The demon with the white and red hair stopped her mouth with a kiss, pressing his lips to hers. His mouth was strong and sure. She could feel terror flooding through her, then nothing but his mouth on hers.

            She had never been kissed by any man, not even her father had kissed her. His mouth was sweet pressed to hers, but she could taste the evil laced within it. It broke her heart, tearing it into bits and pieces. Tearing her down, violating her soul with only his mouth as passage. She longed to break away, but could not. He was destroying her, killing her more than Dante ever could. He was murdering her with only a kiss. Then he pulled away.

            Tears ran down her face as the demons continued to torment her. Throughout the night they plagued her. Breaking her spirit, taunting her and assassinating any hope she might have had. As the sun rose, the demon, who had kissed her, stopped, a mournful look on his face. Then they all fell to the ground, like sand. The wind picking up the pieces and carrying them away.

            She felt raw, bleeding on her legs and arms. She was safe for today, but once tomorrow came she would be more than half gone. Then after that she would disappear completely. She pulled her legs up to her chest and pressed her cheek to her knees. She could only cry and wish that Jael would return soon.

            Then, in a moment, she was running to the ocean, slipping under the satin of the waves. It was as if she was being buried under the waves, unable to breathe, unable to touch the surface or the light above her. All she could do was sink down into the dark void of the ocean's arms and let the pain of one last change overwhelm her body.

            Curls of her blood floated about her in a crimson mist. Her vision was becoming hazy. The change was taking too long. Any longer and she would drown, crushed by the only thing that had truly loved her. As she fell further and further she cursed her fate, screaming into the silence of the deep. Then she took a breath. Visions of her future and the demon filled her mind as she finally touched the bottom. Her dreams were filled with these visions, making her toss and cry out. The ocean above began to stir, the clouds rumbling and white lightning skimming the surface.

            Even to the floor of the deep, the boom of thunder echoed. It rocked the world under her, causing her to stir. In stirring, she glimpsed the demon, shrouded in a heavy black cloak. To escape him, she swiftly swam up, exploding into the utter chaos.

            In awe, she watched as the sky shattered all around her, the moon tore herself apart. Blood stained every part of the heavens, the world seemed to have destroyed itself under the strain. The demon stood above her, then, grabbing her shoulders, he pulled her up.

The Mermaid: Chapter III

Chapter Three
            In sleep, she dreamt of her life before she became trapped in her own emptiness. Before she'd fallen in love.

            She had been the daughter of the goddess of love and the god of hate. The most beautiful child born to the gods. She had been pampered and spoiled, loved. She'd had red curls, porcelain skin and greener than green eyes. She was taught music and became the muse of poetry and fate. Her brothers, Charis and Eteray, were gods of war, muses of history and epic orations. She had adored them both, spending long days playing with them.

            On that fateful day, her brothers had been hunting with their father. She was desperately alone and, to keep herself amused, she decided to play her music. She'd been reclining on a cloud, draped in the golden light of the sun, playing her flute. The tune had been as mournful as the night, causing tears to spring to her eyes. She'd only glanced down upon the world below for a moment when she saw him.

            Dante was a shepherd, handsome and kind. He was playing a harp, the tune merry and light. Troian had loved him from first sight. She longed to touch his brown curls, caress his satin cheek. Longed to kiss his ribbon of a smile. She could not bear to be away from him. She could not be content with watching him every day. It was then that she had gone to her mother and pleaded with her for mortality.

            And she had given it. Love had given her mortality. She gave up everything; her brothers, her mother and father. Everything she had ever loved, she gave for him. Though she tried to make him love her, Dante did not love her back. He was in love with a beautiful shepherdess named Cassandra. Cassandra had hair the color of gold, long and falling in waves. Her eyes were the lightest blue anyone had ever seen, both enticing and generous. No one could deny that Cassandra was beautiful, not even Troian. So she had been a shadow, watching Dante with Cassandra.

            She had wept, trying to change his mind, but man proved fickle and strong willed. Then tragedy had struck, killing Cassandra in its wake. While at the market a lion attacked. The beautiful girl was the first of many who were mauled to death in the square. In the aftermath, Dante had been filled with despair, ignoring Troian and her desperate plea that he love her. Shortly after Dante killed himself in sorrow, breaking her heart.

            That's when she had thrown herself into the ocean, letting the satin-soft waves engulf her. To save her, the gods changed her into a mermaid, only there was a time limit. She had to be punished, she had been given a gift and she had rejected it. Thrown that gift into the ocean with her. The gods made it so that when she died, or faded, it would be into everlasting hell. This as payment for her love, as punishment for her sin. And, in the emptiness of hell, she would remain.

            The change had been painful at first. Ripping her into pieces and burning her back together. She had cried out, screamed curses to the heavens so that the earth rocked under her pain. She called out to her mother, pleading with her to save her, but her mother turned her back and walked away. The last thing she saw was her brothers walking away from her, turning deaf ears to her screams.

            Then all had been black.

            When she had awoke, she was entangled in seaweed and her dress on an empty island. Then she knew she was completely alone. She had been banished, sentenced to a short time on a completely empty piece of world. Not even animals lived on her island. In the ocean she was not alone, but once she touched land she was isolated.

            And for two years she had been exactly that. That was until the accident. That was when Jael had appeared. The ocean had been dark and stormy that night.

            The water was screaming, seething under the tumultuous strain. Lances of lightning struck the sand, sparkling and bubbling. She had awoke as thunder rolled, booming all around her. She had looked up to see a ship blow up, illuminating the sky. It had taken all her strength to swim out to the wreck.

            Desperately, she had searched, looking for any survivors. But she had not found any. 45 men, dismembered and black from the explosion. Only one woman was among them, her body somehow managing to survive the explosion. Her dress was bloody and her chest a gaping hole. Her face was distorted, silently trapped in her final screams of anguish. For a moment, she had stared into the dead girl's face, wrestling with her thoughts. She had thought to bury the girl on the beach, but instead she had fled.

            She retreated back to the beach, trying, in vain, to cleanse her mind of the sight. On the beach she had found the girl's heart, washed upon the shore by the storm. She had buried it under a tree, whispering silent prayers to the blue above her.

            Jael and the nightmares began the next year. When the specter had first appeared, Troian had been too afraid to speak to her. So that she had not spoken to Jael until that day on the beach. When they had first spoken, she had believed that the spirit had wanted its heart, but Jael had never asked for it. She had wondered why the ghost had come, why the nightmares had plagued her, if not for the heart. In her dream, she determined to ask Jael the many questions probing her dreams and visions.

            Then she awoke to the gentle, icy, touch of ghostly fingers.

            "I think," said Jael. "it is time you heard my story.

The Mermaid: Chapter II

Chapter Two
            For a moment, the mermaid stopped to watch the ghost walk along the sand. Jael stopped, also looking and watching. The mermaid crawled up on to the beach, waiting for the change to happen. She was frightened, exposed and open until she regained her legs. The specter moved closer and closer, hovering above the sand. She seemed to smile slightly at the mermaid, as if to avail her fears.

            "Why are you here?" the mermaid asked, standing to meet the ghost.

            "I am here as I am every year." replied the ghost, the slight smile remained, as if it had been frozen in place.

            "Why do you continue to haunt me? I have not wronged you, why trouble me?"

            "I want peace, mermaid." The ghost's pale fingers reached out to touch the mermaid's jeweled hair, but only brushed a strand of crimson.

            The mermaid pulled back, shivering. It was as if her hair suddenly possessed feeling, the icy agony running through her scalp and down her spine.

            "Peace does not exist. Look somewhere else if you desire it."

            Jael looked into the mermaid's eyes. The mermaid could feel her presence in her mind and soul, could feel her probing her memories. The ghost did not seem to comprehend what she saw in the mermaid's green eyes, a look of confusion gathering across her brow. Then the mermaid closed her eyes, pushing Jael out of her mind, pleading with the girl to leave her alone.

            "Why were you banished, little one?" asked the ghost. Her voice had become soft and gentle. Her deep white-violet eyes searched the mermaid's face, touching wounds that lay buried beneath the beautiful façade. The mermaid could see her soul reflected in those eyes, something dark and sinister lay deep within her that she had not known existed. It was deeper than the ocean, deeper than her pain. It was cold and destructive, lovely and violent. Troubled, she looked away and replied,

            "Because I loved. Because I loved a dream, a ghost like you."

            "What is your name, mermaid?"

            "Troian. Daughter of gods, mortal because of love." Silence fell between the two uncomfortable and sorrowful. Yet, they remained in silence until the beginning of the sunset caused the ghost to disappear.

            Troian dove back into the depths, letting the currents drag her further and further away. And in the rhythms of the ocean, thrumming and churning about her, it was easy to forget herself. She would forget herself in the dark peace of a never-ending sea. If only the forgetting took away the pain, took away the memories. But forgetting could not take away what she knew, not even to the deepest part of her soul. Even she could not forget that much. She could never forget herself, though she fooled herself into believing it.

            She had loved, loved and been betrayed by it. Love did not exist she decided. It was a myth, like unicorns. Like mermaids. Only, she could not forget who she had been, before she was a myth. Before she was lost to this island, the sands of time and grief. Before she was no longer truth.

            Truth. She had not thought about truth in so long that it, too, seemed to be a myth. But truth remained. Why couldn't truth exist elsewhere? Then maybe she could believe that she was never in love and that she had never been so full of sorrow. Maybe then she could remember what it was like before anything existed, when she was the daughter of gods.

            Light began to filter down to her, though it was faint as a wisp of smoke. She arose just as a bleeding sun gave birth to dawn. In the sparkling light, she seemed to be more thin and translucent then yesterday. She knew what it meant, only she did not wish to acknowledge it.

            She was dying. Fading into the eternity to which her soul was doomed. She looked at her hand and gazed through it to blue water.
            "No," she whispered. It could not be time for her to fade yet. She had only been mortal for ten years. She was to young, too young to fade away, with no one to remember her. Nothing to leave behind, so that someone might remember that she had existed, that she had been truth once. Now she would be utterly and entirely alone, trapped beyond the reach of anything and everything. Not even Jael would be able to reach her now.

            Exhausted and sorrowful, she made her way to the beach. Though the day held promise, she drifted off, lulled to sleep by her beloved ocean.

The Mermaid: Chapter I

Troian and Dante
    On a cloud, golden in hue, lay
Troian, daughter of Passion and Loathing.
Mournfully, she played a forgotten
tune and watched over empty worlds of blue.
    To her weeping eyes came the
shepherd boy, Dante, playing his
stringed instruments and in singing
turned her gaze.
    She cast off immortality and
loved him as humans love. Yet, Dante
returned not her fancy and, in her grief,
cast herself into the arms of the sea.
    Forever she cries, her moans
and tears causing fair foam to
spring from the deep. And no ship is
safe when it be that Troian weep.


Chapter One
The blaze of orange danced on the bluest ocean. The silver of the moon was already ascending her black throne, her diamond attendants appearing behind her. A streak of emerald green, flitted just under the surface of cobalt glass. The lonesome wind whipped the waves into white dancers, crashing upon the amber sand. Red and green crabs scuttled along the shore, climbing, searching, the rough span of rocks. Dolphins grazed the surface, reaching up to the sunset sky. Seagulls called back and forth, riding the wind.

            As the last sliver of sun disappeared on the horizon, she emerged from the water. She lay still as her green-silver tail changed into slender ivory legs. Her crimson-gold hair fanned around her in tangled dreadlocks; oyster pears, gold and silver beads entwined in it.

            For awhile she lay in thought, ebony encompassing the sky above her. When she stood it was as if watching a perfect statue come to life. Her hair fell to the middle of her back, her lithe body swathed in a faded wrap. She could hear the ocean calling her back to it, begging her to return, to join it in her true form. Heart swelling in her chest, she walked away.

            Alone, she walked up the beach. A graceful hammock swayed back and forth in the, now, playful breeze. She did not sit in the hammock, but instead sat in front of it, digging her toes into the still warm sand. Tears rolled down her porcelain cheeks, creating small stains on the ground beneath her. She was so alone, so far from any company, any hope of love. Love was what had trapped her here, banishing her to this place. She would live and die here, exiled from her people and forever alone.

            The trees gently swung above her, eclipsing her view of the sky. Eternity was not so long, she thought. If only she had a friend a companion. Someone to share her thoughts with, love and be with. What did she need with love? She did not wish to remember, only the memories came anyway. She did not need companions, or friends. She had been deceived by her family, by her friends and by love. Still, she remained lonely and dismally in despair. She didn't notice when the tears began to fall faster, she only climbed into her hammock, wishing for sleep to come quickly.

            The tears continued to flow, even as her green-apple eyes closed in sleep.

            The sky erupted with spears of white lightning, the moon hiding behind a lacy, black, cover. The girl was wandering up and down the beach, wild ocean tugging, pulling her into its salty embrace. Black curls swept about her shoulders, white-violet eyes gazing into the fury of the storm. She stood still, untouched by the chaos around her. In horror, the mermaid watched the crimson rain fall all around the girl, never touching her pale skin or black hair. Slowly, her gaze turned onto the mermaid. She seemed to speak, but the words were lost on the violence of the wind.

            As if she had seen through the mermaid, she looked back out to the raging sea. A fire licked the horizon, screams of terror overpowering the storm's might. A ship came closer and closer, setting the water ablaze. Suddenly, it exploded, bursting into indistinct pieces and lighting the sky with bodies of fire. In that moment the girl disappeared, only a beating heart lay where she had stood. Blood stained the heavens above, the moon gorging herself upon the havoc.

            Then all was darkness and ocean.

            Her breath was ragged as she sat upright. Sweat dripped from her lean body, causing her to shiver with cold. Pulling her knees to her chest, she wished everything would disappear. This was the fifth time the dream had come this month. It always came more often when winter began to approach.

All she knew was the girl's name was Jael.

The voice of the ocean began to call her, pleading with her to come to its arms once

again. This time she ran into the embrace of the water, diving beneath the waves and allowing the change to engulf her body. It wasn't painful, not anymore. She could remember the first time she had changed, the first time she had been released. It seemed so long ago, as distant as the moon above, yet closer than the water which pressed against her. Why could she not purge herself of these memories? Purge her soul of this nightmare? Of this girl?

            The dream continued to plague her as she swam. She fled further and further into the arms of the depths, trying to escape the nightmare. Brushing her fingers along the bottom, she felt as if she was touching the stars. She could not think of anything but the dream and as it became more clear to her, she shivered. She lay at the bottom a long while, willing her heart to stop wildly raging in her chest. If only she could escape the nightmare, purge it from her thoughts, from her heart. Maybe then she could rest, close her eyes and let the water rock her to sleep.

            Something, inside of her, pushed the dream down and she began to feel drowsy. She closed her eyes and when she woke all trace of her nightmare was gone. She did not sleep long, but the sun was already half way through with his work. The longing for the warmth of the sun brought her to the sparkling surface and there on the golden beach stood Jael.

The Bruises

The bruises
   won't go away, permanent like the scars.
This time the mark of his hand,
   next time his belt?
I can't stop shaking,
   spilled the coffee and burnt the toast.
I shield my face,
   the anger in his eyes is hurting my soul.
Crash, break the bones,
   scar my mind and kill my spirit.
He can't help it, I tell myself.
   He just can't help it.
He leaves me, huddled on the floor,
   the blood, I need to clean it up.
He loves me, he does.
   I scrub the floor 'til it sparkles.
The bruises
   they won't go away.
Proof of his love,
   rests upon my body, broken and bloody.
Proof of his love,
   bruised and broken on the floor.

None Love as I

None loved as I when I first loved he that died.
Nor could any fathom the depths of his soul's touch
   to mine own.
None could love as I when first I cried for his blood.

Depths of oceans green, float about him now, his
   curls drenched in bloody wine.
And none could love as I when first I touched his
   soul to mine.

Sleep, weary traveler. Die softly in words shattered.
Can't contain the holes, they fill and splatter pain.
None can love as I when curled in my arms he died,
   grief is a poison, live and die.

None love as I, dying by the side of the road, where
   tears of gold stream down my broken empty eyes.
   A broken skull, full of roses sweet, place the cross
   at the feet. And none love as I, when rain is upside down.

Purple

Purple.
All around is purple.
The sky is purple, lightning pierced.
The waters are purple, soft and depressed.
Your lips are purple. We cannot breathe.
All around is purple.
Purple flowers, purple roses.
Violet lilies and lavender posies.
Your lips are softly turning gray. Stop, stay.
All around is purple.
Sweet nothingness is purple,
those words you are whispering to the stars
they are royal and lilac, light and dark.
All around is purple.
Purple

Somewhere: to WEM III

Somewhere, are you staring at the same white moon?
Somewhere in the dark black, starless, night?
Somewhere, are you dreaming the same dreams?
Somewhere?

Somewhere across these invisible lines, we are.
Somewhere where no one can find us, we are.
Somewhere, my heart lies safe only in your hands.
Somewhere.

Somewhere I lie peacefully, if only in my mind.
Somewhere, are you dreaming the same dreams?
Somewhere across these invisible lines, lies our hearts.
Somewhere.

And now, your head in my lap, curls tumble all around
I wonder if somewhere someone is looking down.
Someday we will cross those invisible lines, change
those prejudiced minds. Somewhere, someday.
Somewhere

Never Want to See you Again

I don’t understand it. Maybe I never will, but I know it hurts like Hell.
Please, just be quiet now. I can’t take any more words from you.
Just shut up! Let me be for one moment. I can’t take any more, of
anything. You are yelling, screaming obscenities in my ears, I’m
trying to block it out. But somehow you’re voice pierces the barriers
I’m putting up.

I hate you. Hate everything you’ve become and I just wish you would
leave before you hurt me even more. I don’t want to talk anymore, I
am so exhausted by all this. Emotionally, I am drained and ready to
sleep. I wish I could say that I still love you, still want you here, but I
can’t. I can’t lie to you. Hatred is the only word that is spilling from
my lips.

I loved you once. Loved you so passionately, so purely. I would’ve
gladly given you the world, given you everything I had. But now, I can’t
even stand to hear your name. And I’m crying as I write this, wishing
that I could change everything, but I can’t. And I can’t take this any
more. So, I’m leaving now. Please, give me my keys. You can’t hold
me here like a prisoner. And I won’t be held captive.

Nightmare

He's on top. Breathing hard, moving rhythmically.
I'm holding back my screams. Pretending that this
isn't happening. Pretend I am enjoying it, so that
he won't hurt me anymore than he already is.

Inside my head, I'm drifting away. Fading far from
this place. The gravel under me is pinching and I
can feel the blood, falling in droplets from between
my legs.

God, save me! White walls, enclose about me,
trying to save myself. Lie back, relax, pretend that
this isn't happening. He'll be done soon and I
can fade away, quietly.

And as he finishes and rolls off of me like water
off of leaves, I let the tears flow. Let them fall.
He holds a hand over my mouth. Raises his blade
and then all is blood and darkness.

No air. No life. No pain

Prettiest Lies You Told Me

Pretty lies float above my head,
falling like flower petals from dying
women's hands. Sweeter than a
frozen blade, drawing droplets of
blood from the nests of owls.

Spoken words trickle through my
mind, mouth so soft and breath
so sweet and rancid against my
ear. The lies, floating like candles
across the blue waters of empty.

False pretenses, false hopes.
Brava dearest, ensnared again.
Brava, bravo. Entrapt, bound to this
womb, the trues and falses binding
as iron chains.

So sleep pretty one, frozen by
all the sweeter of the lies. Seen
beneath the glass, fists against the
mirror. Shatter the glass, sweet,
do it. Break it down.

Pretty lies float above my head,
falling like stars from a dying
moon's breast. Sweeter than these
lies, they fall to the ground, pull
the blood from my veins.

Shipwreck

I'm drowning, pulling you down to me.
Screaming, crying out to the careless sky.
Ocean waves swirl about, silky soft,
filling my lungs with salty kisses. I gorge
myself, taking in my fill, being wrapped
up in this satin prison, no glass or bars,
I am held in these broken arms.

There is no escaping, slipping further
under and I'm okay. You never saw me
anyway. I don't want to hear you,
so no more crying to the sky for arms that
no longer know their way home. These
metaphors can't save a drowning man.
Closed off, falling further down.

I am lying at the bottom of these waters,
my cold eyes gazing up through this splintered
mirror. Watching the stars fade to clouds,
moons fade to suns, ships pass over. I am
none. One last memory, burned to the bone,
I'm drowning, depths unknown, and I am
all alone

What it Seems

I seem to have it all, so clear and defined. I am living the perfect life.
And you don't see me when I'm falling, no I hide that away from your sight.
Yes, I have it all, like Ariel, I got treasures galore. At least that's what you see. But isn't it hard for you to see without sight?

I wait until you leave, to let these tears fall fast and hard. I am so darkened,
so hidden in these shadows, that all you see is the outer shell. Take a deeper look, stop for a moment and actually open your eyes to see what is going on within this beautiful corpse.

Yes, I have the perfect life, perfect everything. I am what you wish you were, but you don't see the Hell that stands behind the glitter. If you dig deep enough you might actually learn something. I am pent up, about to explode, about to overflow and all you see is the outside.

The Side of the Road

  And I stand on the side of the road, watching him drive away, his car becoming smaller and smaller against the wall of horizon. I sit on my suitcase, tattered and ripped from my travels. I have searched long and hard for these moments that seem to escape this troubled heart. I have walked away from this life only to live it again with more pain and less zeal.
  I wish he would drive back, turn that black ford around, and pick me up again. But there is no sign of that happening. I pick up my suitcase and walk down the road, the dust whipping about and dancing in a most miraculous way. I do not have time to watch it. These burdens are getting heavier with every step I take. And there is no place to rest, they are all miles away.
  It is starting to grow darker, the heavy black cape falling over everything in shadow and silhouettes. The sun fades into the abyss of sand ahead of me, drowning so beautifully beneath the rough waves of desert. The moon is rising triumphant, born as Aphrodite from the sea, her long black hair covering everything.
  The stars appear, as if beckoned by the howls of discontent that spring from the throats of wolves. I walk down the middle of the road, my suitcase left behind for it was to heavy to bring along. If only I could find someone to pick me up, take me to a quite room where I could sleep, ignore these nightmares, stave off these dreams.
  I recite Shakespeare to the sky, to pass the time. I have left my shoes about ten feet behind me. Heels were not made for roads like this. I am shivering, almost willing to turn back to get my sweater from my to heavy suitcase that lies several yards behind. Who knew the desert could be so cold when the Sun is not high?
  And the sweetest lies float through my head, owls hooting in the background. He isn't coming back, and I feel like I'm drowning on land, can't breathe or move. I am standing on the side of the road, my lungs collapsing within me, they are full of water it seems. The headlights that approach me do not stop or even look, they journey on, flying past as if I did not exist.
  The ghosts are falling further and further behind. How far have I walked? A mile? Two? I do not know. I only know that my shoes can no longer be seen and that I have almost forgotten my suitcase. Strains of Native American music seem to twist about me, entangling my arms and legs in the sounds, pulling me back up then setting me back down.
  I'm not even moving now. I'm to tired and to cold to continue moving. So I lie in the middle of the road, still faintly warm from the kiss of the sun. I think of him, his car flying down the road, fleeing the ghosts, fleeing me. Tears of unknown origin seem to fall from my eyes. I can't seem to find the reasons why.
  And, once again, I stand on the side of the road, watching him drive away, his car becoming smaller and smaller against that wall of the horizon. I am sitting on my suitcase, tattered and ripped from all my running. I have searched to long and to hard for those moments that do not exist. I have walked from one evil into the next.

You Don't Know Me (But I Want You To)

You don't know me, you can't.
I won't let you in the door far enough to see.
I've tried, let you in as far as I could,
I'm crying, cause I can't open it further.
I want you to see, to know, to feel
what I do, what I know, what I see.
But I can't.

You don't know me, you can't.
I have been so cruelly used, I can't be
hurt anymore. I'll die. Can you try
to understand? Try to accept me, accept
this? I know I shouldn't ask you to, but
I can't let you in.
I can't.

You don't know me, you can't.
You can't see behind the walls built
behind these eyes. You don't know
the dreams, or the tears, or the sighs.
You can't know these things, I won't
let you in, but I want to.
But I can't.

And I'm so broken, to shattered to
let you see. To alone to ask for
company. And they say that Misery
loves company, she must truly
love me, for I have been her friend,
her confidante. I want to let you inside!
I can't.

Please don't ask me to trust you.
They all say trust me, then destroy me.
And I love you, love you so much
more than you can see. I'm to tired,
to hurt, to frozen. You don't know me,
you can't. I won't let you in.
I can't.

Don't hold me, don't say you love me,
it only makes it harder. Its easier
to say goodbye if you don't try.
And even though loving you is all I'll
ever do, I can't let you in, the door
is blocked. I want to.
But I can't.

I want to let you go. Forget you.
But I can't stop thinking how you will
never know me for who I am.
Because these walls, they protect
and they defend, and they hide who I
am inside. Please come inside,
But You can't.

Auschwitz: Feb. 17th, 2008

I have stood, within these prison walls.
People are crying and dying, screaming
and throwing up all around me. I am
clinging to what little bread I have. Praying
to God that the soldiers don't come back.

The tattoo on my wrist is my new name.
the numbers burn me, burning my skin.
It is so cold, so cold that I can't feel my feet.
Huddled in the corner of this terrible place,
I'm so scared.

They call this place Auschwitz, a prisoner
camp. I don't understand, why these
soldiers could hate me so much. What
have I done? This star on my shoulder,
it is more like a scar.

The gas fills the air, it is filling my lungs
like a cloud of white smoke. And I stand
here and I take it all in. I am afraid, and
so cold. Every moment is agony, but soon
it will all be over.

They call this place Auschwitz, my
final resting place. Killed by one man's
hate. I stand, filling with the gas, thrown
into a massive grave, person upon person,
tears upon tears.

What A Fool I was

What a fool I was to trust my heart. What a stupid fool.
How could I have let myself believe in something not true,
I have longed, scratched and clawed, trying to find it,
but Love is a butterfly to soon dead upon the ground.

I believed in the words my heart had whispered, my mind
giving in to the sweetest of lies. I have lied to myself, thinking
I could actually fly. And all I've done is fall to the earth, the
wings ripped from my spine, my body crushed by the fall.

And though there always comes that moment when you have
to fall to survive it, I no longer hope. No longer feel. This skin
is cold, this heart will never heal. I am empty and forsaken,
betrayed by myself.

The whole while playing the game of truth and falsehood, waiting
on this tightrope, only to stumble and drown because of my
heart. Cease to beat, you wicked thing. Let me be, you sower of
lies. Why must I break myself down, torture and fight with myself?

So no more. I will not listen. My heart does not understand truth,
it seems to not understand anything at all. I wish it did.
I wish I could believe what I had hoped was truth, but how can
I when surrounded by all the evidence?

The Eye of a Dying Rose

  Collapse inside this silver tomb,
splintered mem'ries and forgotten tune,
the perfumed breath of this dying flower,
cloaks the air in sweetest horror.
  See through the eye of a dying rose,
bloodstained sight upon this frozen world.
What is to be seen, what is to be known
in the eye of a dying rose?
  Knowledge pours like blood from her
petals, truth as tears from her eye.
Only the doves mourn the loss as a
frost lays her to rest.
  Turbulent is her spirit, to rise again
as Aurora takes her throne. The ghost
of this wretched rose, crucified on
crosses of glass, pours out venom from
her broken womb.
  Gaze through the eye, read the future
gore. Alight the rose in fire of the soul,
burn her into ash. And learn what
is not to be learned in the eye of a dying rose.