Morning

   The diamond stars commence to dance as the darkness of night turns to the light of down. Scarlet clouds, woven with gold and silver threads, drift lazily through the sky.
   Sapphire throated birds sing their songs as the fiery sun issues from the shadows. Sending golden rays over the emerald land.
   Silver winged butterflies flit across the ruby sky. They cast tiny, gray, shadows on the crystal flowers below.

Untitled IV

   When is it going to be my turn? When do I get to shine?
When is love going to call on me? When is it going to be
my time? I'm so tired, I'm so tired of bein' blue. I'm so
tired of waiting for you!

Untitled III

   How do you express a feeling when there are no words to express what you feel? What words can describe this feeling of loneliness, betrayal, anger and depression? None. There are no words to express my pain. How I feel and what I want is nothing. No one cares.

Untitled II

   Love is like a gentle breeze
blowing through the summer trees.
   Love is like fresh, sweet, apples
picked among the falling leaves.
   Love is like figure skating
with the person you love in the snow.
   Love is like a gentle rain
falling on the spring flowers.
   My love for you shall never
fail. And though all you do
should go wrong, or all your
friends desert you, I will
remain forever yours. I love
you.

Untitled

   Alone in my solitude, I ache
for anything to make me feel.
   I am contradictory and in
so much pain, that I long
for Hell.

Glass Boxes

   Beauty lies inside of me,
though hidden carefully.
   Death lies all over me,
for everyone to see.
   Poetry hides in my soul,
looking for a safe place to go.
   Evil hides within my heart,
ready and waiting to start.
   Life is full of contradictions,
hidden deep within the prisms.
   We trap ourselves in glass,
coffins built to last.
   We are broken-hearted,
bleeding and departed.
   Someone rescue me,
someone set me free!
   Does no one hear my cry?
Why do we even try?
   Someday I will be released,
given wings and space to breathe.
   Love was a cross bore to Calvary,
Christ's death sets me free.
   Trapped inside a tomb,
hidden in an Earthen womb.
   He breaks the chains, sets me free,
I fly to him, able to be.

Love's Contradictions

I love thee, love thee more than life itself.
Love me back, give me pain and peace.
Offer me roses, deny me rings.
Vow to honor and cherish me.
Embrace my soul to thine, cleave me in two.
Yearn for my voice, cry for my lips.
Offend me not, nor give my love away.
Use thy heart to touch mine and be one.
Love me as I love thee!

They

   They say life is hard and it doesn't get better. But no
one said it would be this hard. No one ever said I would
have to watch my world shatter, breaking into a million
pieces before my eyes.
   No one said it would be easy, but they didn't say
you would have to live in fear. No one said I would have
to watch my heart break every day. Or that I would
watch myself grow old in the mirror, dying every day.
   They say God loves us, that He listens to our prayers.
I'm tired of this God who doesn't seem to hear me, who
doesn't seem to care. I'm tired of people who lie, who lie
about lying. I'm sick of this world and everything in it.
   If God exists, then where is He? Why isn't He here
with me? Why is He letting my family, my life, fall
apart? Does He even listen to prayers anymore? They
say He does.
   What do "they" know anyway? Damn them! Damn "they"
that say God is holy, but curse His name. "They" never
speak truth, hypocrites and murderers. If "they"
aren't sure, then I don't want to listen anymore.
   I refuse to listen.

The Mirror

   I have been to full of tears, to full of anguish, to even begin to express myself. Even in this, my writing. I'm so empty of anything beautiful. I am only tears shed for a dead man, uselessly falling to touch him.
   I have gazed into the eyes of the corpse in the mirror. She has seen to much, felt to many horrors, to much pain. She has lost light and no longer feels pain. I envy her this. I envy her that lack of feeling.
   Her eyes are burdened by all the unshed tears. In her eyes is a kind of horrific truth, a terrifying loveliness, a terrible peace. She has beauty, only in the fact that she no longer feels.
   In my mirror, she stares at me and I at her. We envy each other and she looks away. We cannot stand the weight of what lies in our souls. Both are touched, to deeply, by what we see in the other.
   Hate, love, pain, peace. I graze my fingertips against the glass, touching her face. She is dead, this living corpse. In her eyes is a truth I do not understand. In her gaze I find no hope for what is to come.
   Touched by to much pain, to many horrors passing before our eyes. We long to lie down, just to rest for awhile. To rest in each other's arms, let the world drift by. Just to slip away from all this.
   In her eyes is death. In the mirror, in my eyes, in the gaze of a corpse. In my eyes, in my truth. She can see. She knows what lies ahead. Let me go, drift to her side of the mirror. Hidden forever where she is.
   In my mirror.

Midnight

  I am trapped. Trapped behind
my mask, behind my fears, my
scars. So many secrets I long
to let go, to many that no one
will know.
   If I spoke all the words
in my heart I would break. Break
under the pain and sorrow that
follow those many words. I am
buried.
   This house has been destroyed
and under it's destruction I am
hiding. No one can know me.
I can't let anyone into my pain,
my secrets, my death.
   Where is God? Does He still
hear? Does He still care for
fleeting shadows? Does He still listen
to lowly man or has He given up?
   So much is built up within
me that I can't breathe, can't
focus, can't speak. I drown
in my own silence, in words to
silent to know.
   Does no one know how to hear?
Does no one see me? Are you
blind and deaf? Am I completely
gone?
   Invisible and trapped. No one
sees, they don't want to. No
one hears, they never will.

The Dying Embers: Epilogue

Epilogue

Thomas Jordan murdered the rest of the Todd family in the middle of the night; he then kidnapped the slaves and began his own plantation in the Caribbean. The rumors of the ghost of Zara Todd began after the mysterious disappearance of David Marks, a wanderer and distant relative of Cassidy. He had the same blond curls and deep brown eyes. A week after his disappearance, his bloody, decaying body was found next to the decayed body of Zara. The ghost of Zara Todd still wanders the plantation to this day, but no one will go near to see her. Whenever you get close enough you can still hear the shrill screams of her anguish. Legend says that if you come close to where she hid Cass's body that she will kill.

Many disappearances were later attributed to the vampiric ghost and she has become known to take her vengeance upon any that dare to disturb her in her misery. Maybe one day she will find peace, or maybe she will kill again. No one knows what she will do and no one has ever survived to tell.

The Dying Embers: Chapter 4

Chapter Four: The Ending of All

For years no one knew what had happened to Cassidy Todd. His family offered to pay money for someone, anyone to find him. Only Zara knew what had happened and she alone knew where the body was hidden. Pain tore at her every waking moment, every night she couldn't sleep because of her nightmares. She became thinner and thinner, denying herself food. Her mind was being eaten away with the knowledge that she had destroyed the one thing she had loved.

She would follow the paths through the woods to the place where she had placed Cass, talking to him and driving herself insane with her memories. Even Jordan left her alone now, not even he derived pleasure from kicking a dog when it was down.

Then, one night as she lay in her bed, she heard the sweet laughter of Cassidy. She could hear him calling to her, singing to her. Teasing her into moving. She followed the sound to the edge of the creek bed. There she saw Cassidy's sister, Anna Sophia, the female version of her brother. She stood on the other side of the creek, dancing in the soft light of the stars.

"Zara, dance with me!" she called, her willowy spirit floating and twisting in the savage wind.

"No, no. Please, don't do this to me." Zara mumbled under her breath. Tears began to fall. Then she saw Anna Sophia moving across the creek, as if she was walking atop the water. Eyes wide in terror, Zara began to move backwards, staring at Anna Sophia. Anna's mouth was dripping with blood, her ghostly blonde hair floating about her face. Anna had died a year before her brother, murdered by her lover.

Zara's soul quaked at the beauty of the ghost girl. She longed to be like the apparition before her, she was tired of her guilty insanity. Her soul had been murdered by her own hands, by her own faults and failures. She could feel the tears falling faster as she watched the girl dance around her. The girl's face was beautiful despite the blood that dripped from her face and hands. She held the image of her brother's crestfallen head in her palms, taunting Zara. Zara couldn't breathe, her mistake burning into her weary mind, stealing all her hope of ever living again.

"I've come to claim revenge for my brother." Said the specter. She was smiling, the blood oozing down her face. Zara began to shake, her heart beating furiously in her. She looked down to see a knife, covered in blood. It was the same one she had used to kill Cassidy. Trembling, she took it in her hands and then thrust it deep inside of her chest. She could feel the sharp pain of the knife burying itself in her broken heart and then it was over. Zara's body lay in the emerald grass of the quiet place. Anna Sophia's bloody mouth, smiling above her. Dooming her to an eternity in misery and loneliness.

The Dying Embers: Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Standing, Zara began to walk to the creek to wash the blood from her hands. The moon seemed stained with the blood she had shed, as it stood crimson against the dark. In its light, Zara perceived a man coming from Maria's cabin. This man stumbled about, still drunken and uncleanly. Quietly, she came closer to him, in hopes of getting a better look. Was it a ghost? She wondered. Because, standing in front of her was Jordan. But that wasn't possible, was it? Jordan lay dead in her cabin.

Jordan didn't seem to notice Zara as he stumbled back to his cabin. He was starting to feel drowsy and, through bloodshot eyes, trudged past. Zara took off, running for the creek, quickly washing the scarlet from her hands. When she returned, she gingerly stepped over the body, praying it was Jordan. Shaking, she struck a match and held it to the face of the man.

In terror, she dropped the match. Golden curls hung limply, dyed a deeper red than she knew existed. Deep brown eyes lay, like discarded marbles, near her bed. The dead man was Cassidy Todd, her lover and best friend. Hot tears of regret and horror engulfed her as she took the mutilated head of her lover into her lap. How could she have mistaken her beloved Cass for someone as wicked and evil as Thomas Jordan? She had purposefully caused pain to the man that had loved her; she had tormented him in his last moments as if he was a common scoundrel. Her shame and pain slowly took over her body and she fell into a sleep like state, Cass's head still in her arms.

Her sleep was tormented by nightmares, replaying her acts in her head. She awoke to the sound of a pounding on her door. Casting a terrified glance about her, she looked down to see that she still cradled the head of the dead man. Darkness still cloaked the sky and the moon had not moved since she had fallen asleep. Yet, the pounding on her door remained ceaseless. Carefully, she pushed Cassidy's bloody body into a corner behind the door. Then opening it, she discovered Cassidy.

Pale as a shadow, the ghost smiled at Zara. Taking her hand in his own, he led her to the willows. There he finally spoke.

"Zara, you killed me." His voice was deeper than the thunder and sharp like the knife that had killed him. Every word cutting her deeper than the previous.

"But I?I didn't mean to. I was trying to?"

The apparition interrupted her with words colder than ice. "You did try to kill me. You wanted me to suffer and you wanted me to die like I did. You wanted me to die as if I was a cruel and harsh man."

"Why are you telling me this?!" she pressed her hands over her ears, Cass's blood still staining her hands.

"I want you to have to bear this cross forever. I want your mind to wither with the knowledge, forever echoing with this damning thought. You are a murderer of innocent blood."

With his last words, Cass disappeared from her sight. Leaving behind only a chill in the air that settled over her.

The Dying Embers: Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Zara backed away, slowly. Her fear of Mr. Jordan was apparent. Seizing her arm, he fell upon her neck, kissing her with savage and cruel lips. Struggling, she broke free and ran from him. Deeper and deeper into the sullen forest she tread, his whip are her heels.

Out of exhaustion, she fell to the ground beneath a quivering weeping willow. A creek sped past her and, in despair, she claimed unconsciousness.

Mr. Jordan, being out of breath, came upon Zara's limp body and was glad of the solitude. His way was cruel and when he had finished he slunk back to his cabin. For a lengthy time Zara lay quiet. Wishing for the pain her body was feeling to cease.

She managed to crawl back to her hovel and, in pure agony, fell upon the corn husk bed. When the cheerful sun arose, Zara was pale with fever and chilled to the marrow of her bones. She prayed for death to come, but it didn't. She cried out for someone to save her from her anguish, but no one came.

Then, slowly, she began to concoct a plan to exact her revenge on Mr. Jordan. She would murder him. And no one would ever find out. Yes, that's it, she would kill him after torturing him for all the torment she had suffered at his cruel hands. And when Mr. Jordan came again to claim her, she was ready.

The Dying Embers: Chapter 1

Chapter One

Zara Todd was washing clothing in the backyard of the Todd Plantation. She had lived on this land since she was born. The willows were the only witness to the events of the day. Cassidy Todd, the only son of the master, quietly slipped out the door. Not a sound came from him as he tiptoed behind Zara. She hummed as she hung clothes on the line, her mind on the golden sunset above her.

"Ah ha!" Cassidy wrapped both arms around Zara's waist and lifted her off the ground, spinning about.

"Cass, don't do that! You done frightened me near outta my skin!" Zara turned and smiled at the young man behind her. His honey blond curls encircled his head like a halo. His deep brown eyes were like melted chocolate, they could see to her very soul. She loved him more than any other.

Cassidy gently pressed his lips against Zara's, taking in the sweetness of her mouth. She was like a sweet rain, her voice and mouth like smoky vanilla. He couldn't imagine loving anyone quite as much as he loved her. His fingers tenderly caressed her black curls, loose and flowing in the autumn breeze. The willows danced about them, their graceful branches tossed about on the wind. Pulling away from their kiss, Cassidy took Zara's hand and led her down to the creek. The suns rosy glow hovered over the silently flowing water, only broken by the stony bottom.

"Promise never to leave me?" Cassidy held her to his chest, his heart beat combine with hers.

"Can't promise nothing like that. Don't got no power over whether I leaves or stays. You know that." Zara tried not to cry, but it was truth. As a slave she had no rights of her own. Her mother and father had already been sold away, why shouldn't she be next to go?

"I will never let them sell you away from here. I couldn't live without you by my side. I love you with so much of my heart that virtually none is left to give."

Lifting her face up to his, Cassidy smiled. He knew that he could get his father to do anything he wanted. He was the only son; they had to give him his desires. The dying embers of the sun slipped over the horizon and the moon arose from her bed. A silvery glow encompassed the world inside the willows, a world that only belonged to the lovers, oblivious to everything else.

The moon was high as Zara tiptoed back to her shack. The stars glowed as bright as the sun. She was afraid that someone would be awake and realize that she wasn't in her cabin. The cabins were checked twice a night to make sure that no slaves had gone missing in the night. For some reason, the slave driver hadn't checked them yet, because the door was still closed as she had left it earlier that morning.

As she opened the door it was as if she was in a dream. Mr. Jordan, the slave driver was sitting on her cornhusk bed, his eyes bright in the darkness. As if his eyes were that of a tigers, they smoldered hazel in the heat of the room. His hate was apparent, as was his lust.

Where have you been? You were supposed to be here an hour ago. His voice caused Zara's blood to run cold, a prick of fear at her back.

The Dying Embers: Prologue

Prologue

The moon caressed the gentle waters of a rustling creek. The watery bed broken by stones and the decaying body of Zara Todd. A silvery sweet glow reflected the eyes of the young slave girls violently green eyes, wide in the horror of her last breath. A feast for the scavengers, her corpse devoured by the bugs and wildlife. Yet, her eyes remained glossy and intact.

The quivering of the restless breeze stirred the weeping willows of the plantation. A noble house, once inhabited, stood motionless. As if it had never been touched by evil or murder. A girl could be seen wandering in and amongst the willows, barefoot and bloody. Her black curls matted with blood, leaves and the earth to which she was married.

For a moment, she stopped. Waiting in the silence for some sign of her lover, long gone from the place. Her violently green eyes were sunk deep in her thin face. Her, light, cinnamon-colored skin glowed iridescent in the light of a fiery moon. Her dress, caked in the blood of her struggle, hung loosely from her bony shoulders.

Slowly, she knelt beside the body that had once been her own. Her trembling fingers brushed the cadavers face, tears chorusing down the specters own face. Gradually, her eyes searched the horizon, haunted by an undeserved fate. Then, from deep within the soul of one unjustly murdered, came a scream. The screams of anguish flourished and echoed in the silence of a callous world. The willows trembled with the pain of the sound and, in the echo; the blood of a lone traveler was turned to ice.

Warily, the lone traveler crept up to the place where the apparition lay. Stretched over the corpse's body, the phantom wept tears of ice and blood. Her eyes remained ajar and flooded by her tears. Hearing a twig snap, her violent green eyes turned on the stranger. In that moment, all that entertained his mind was to escape his peril. Yet, in that moment, his peril became reality. When the spirit arose, he was dead upon the fallen leaves of autumn. Blood covered his body, the ghostly girl's mouth dripping with it. Gently, she smiled at her victim. He was not her original prey, but the randomness of the violence eased her tortured soul. From then on she devoured all that strayed into her path.

Irish Rose: AKA: Grey Soul

   Silence grows, soft wind is whispering, silence falls and rose is fleeing.
Fleeing the cold, fleeing the violence, rose is dying slow.
Silence haunts the dreary halls, sweeping through the shadow's grave,
falling farther than the winter, sweet sleepy rose.

   Chill the air, hang the cross, let your weary head down, down.
Sleep my heart, cold and linger, flee the shadows rose.
Sweet are memories, long dead on the snow. Dying kiss for a dying
rose. Ireland's lover, rose falls silent, let your red heart bleed.

   Soft and gentle, winds may call her, harsh and violent the Devil's hand.
Rose has no where to lie her head down, rose shall die alone.
Silence grows, soft winds whisper, silence falls, rose is fleeing.
Flee the moon, flee the cold, die Irish rose upon the snow.

Cold Nights

   Cascading light, shivering cold,
snow falling through the barren trees.
Sometimes I just feel so old,
as if many years have gone and I've just been told.
Snowflakes flutter and fall on the breeze.
   Night falls, the moon casts
silver shadows on the crisp, white,
snow. From the window, the trees look like masts
on imaginary ships. Sleep comes like cats
tiptoeing through the bright, cold, night.
   A secret hideaway, hidden in the snow,
only footprints show the way to our place.
No one can tell, because they don't know,
we won't say, our sleds in tow.
By the fence, tucked away, that's our space.
   Silver leaves still hang from the old,
crestfallen trees. A time for everything,
summer is so very hot, winter is so very cold,
spring is flowers, autumn leaves of gold.
Their beauty and grace makes the whole world sing.

Myself: The Poem

   The moon is my soul,
the stars are my mind,
the wind is my voice,
and the dark is my eyes.

Encouragement

   Let us carry the
banner of Christ.
   Though we fall, we
continue on. Though
all around us fails,
His might never will.
   We struggle not in
vain, but for the
love of the one who
died for us, we
carry on in the
everlasting battle.
   Let us be held
forever in His arms.
We are his forever.

Awry

   We're falling apart. You won't even speak to me. Where did we go wrong? We were so happy and then we weren't. You say nothing is wrong, but I can feel the distance.
   I'm calling your name, you don't hear anymore. I'm leaving and you're not even waving. I'm crying and you're shrugging off the pain we're both feeling.
   The space between us screams out. We're drifting and can't even see each other anymore. We're changing and I'm scared that we won't stay together. You're drifting further with every moment's passing.
   I'm missing you so much. I don't want our friendship to disappear with the ocean's tide. We're being pulled apart by the anger of the world around us.
   Such pain as to lose my best friend. I'm still here, even to the end. I love you my friend, my very best friend.

Friends of my heart

  Sometimes my life seems jumbled.
I feel like a train off the tracks,
colliding with the pain inside.
   I try to hide it behind a smile,
but someone saw it all the while.
You always see my sorrow, no
matter how hard I try to keep
the agony deep inside.
   When I'm with you, life seems
right. You fill the hole where
my fragile soul needs it most.
   You are the light that I keep
in my heart. You show Jesus'
love when nothing is right.
   You have been, and always
will be, the reason I'm alive.
   Sometimes my life seems jumbled.

Abused

   Feeling so hurt, so desperate for escape. Praying
for safety from the dark which ever haunts me.

Daughter of Darkness

   I'm the daughter of the dark, sister of the wind, wife of the shadows, mother of the silence. I'm a wandering ghost, a distant memory. I'm forgotten, abandoned, alone, rejected.
   I'm being called into the light, pulled away from my troubled past. The light of love pulls me toward Him. I'm scared, afraid of pain. He caresses my shadowed, hollow, face. He whispers light into the corners of all my being.
   He leads me on, into the sparkling sunlight. At first, I cringe to see my filth. I try to hide myself from Him, but He gently speaks words of comfort and I follow.
   He washes my clothes in blood and they turn white and glorious. He places a crown of silver stars on my head and leads me to His Father's throne.
   We stand before the author and finisher of my faith and He lights my heart. My heart blazes with the fire and passion of being loved, no matter what I've done.
   I'm not the wife of the shadows. I'm a bride of the Son. I'm not the mother of the silence. I am going to be the mother of future believers. I'm not the sister of the wind. I'm the sister of the light. I'm not the daughter of the dark. I'm the daughter of the King of Love.

Rose

   Life is funny, like a rose.
It can be sweet and lovely,
yet cruel and piercing at
the same time.
   Each life is like a rose,
but the way you look at
it is what counts. You can
look at the beauty or you can
look a the pain.
   I, unfortunately, have chosen
to look at my life as pain, in
doing so, I missed the beauty.

Painful Endings

   To ease my pain,
I took a knife to my skin.
Once I was bleeding, I
cried. What had I done?
   To ease my pain,
I took my pen and wrote
angry words. Once I was
crying, I read it again.
   To ease my pain,
I killed myself. I looked
down and saw the people
I hurt and I cried.

My Confession of Love

   All I think about is You. Your face is all I can ever see. Every time I think of you, I cry and slip further into dreams. I cry at night when I remember your voice. I wish I'd done things differently. I wish I'd begged you to stay.
   I wish I'd told you what I was feeling, how much I really cared. I should have told you when I first began to feel, the feelings in my heart that caused my head to reel. I love you is all I wanted to say, but when I got the courage it was just too late.
   All I think about is sleeping so I can see you. In my dreams, I see You for your soul and you see me for mine. We love each other, in my dreams, and we rarely ever fight. You really care and you fill my world with love and light.
   My friends were right. I should have told you how I felt that day. The truth is my heart was so full, I couldn't think of words to say. I meant to tell you all summer long, but now it's too late, you're already gone. I miss you more than words can express.
   This poem would go on forever if I stated what was on my heart. I'm afraid of what your reaction would be. You could tear my world apart. I'll say it now, but only here. Before I regret it and run in fear.
   I love you. Hope, light and love be yours 'til next we meet.
I said it, my poem, now, complete.

Blood of September

*Note, I no longer believe what I wrote in this poem and this was from a younger age. Please take that in stride whilst reading this particular poem.

   My life was changed that day.
Images of safety were shattered and swept away.
   Pillars of smoke and flying bodies.
Planes in field and building.
   Collapsing, with the rest of our lives.
Dust and smoke overtaking those below.
   We prayed it was an awful dream,
but our hearts could hear the terrified scream
of those who were trapped inside and never
came out alive.
   Our hearts bled for families who
were torn apart by evil men.
Did we deserve this?
   A nation that's forsaken God,
we came together to make a simple prayer.
Our hearts still bleed as we cry for
those who are in Iraq and die.
   When America will you turn back
to your heavenly father? Must we
suffer another 9/11 to realize how much
we need God?
   While prayer is banned in school,
my bible I should not read,
"under God" cannot be said and
hearts continue to bleed.
   They continue to bleed and
long for one to save them, but
refuse to let Him in.
   My life was changed that day.
Images of safety were shattered and swept away.

Death Most Tragic

Wind carry my dying soul
   o'er yon river of hope.
Cast not my weary spirit
   into the tide of the ocean of sorrow.
Sky, cry for me tears that
   fill my heart.
Earth open your arms
   and embrace me.
Sun, shine not as I fall into
   my bed, my bed of eternal rest.
Moon, sing as my broken heart
   finally rests. Let it rain o'er
   me as Death comes to claim
   his hollow bride.