I'd rather say nothing at all and pray, to whomever listens, that you
accept me, than to say what I'm truly thinking right now and be
rejected.
Is it unfair?
Is it wrong?
You said you loved
me, once. That beautiful day, I couldn't say it back to you. You never
said it again. Though I've said it a million times since then.
Is it hard?
Is it painful?
I
thought I'd cried the last tears I was going to over you. But I keep
thinking of the things you said, when you loved me. That beautiful day, I
couldn't bring myself to say it back. I tried, but my throat closed and
my eyes filled with tears. I showed you, the only way I knew how. I
held you closer, I pulled up my walls. I didn't believe you then, though
I wanted to. I wanted to hear you say that over and over until the end
of time. I wanted to belong to you. I wanted to.
Do I regret it?
Should I try to forget it?
You
come to me, in random moments. Random memories, glimpses of happier
times. Times when we talked. Times when we hugged. Days I miss more than
anything else.
Isn't it ridiculous how I still let you haunt me?
Isn't it sad that I wish you still loved me?
Did
you ever truly love me? Was it for the best that you never said those
words again? Can I forget the look on your face when I pressed my lips
together? When I said "Yeah, right?" Can I ever forgive myself for that
look on your face? Can I ever forget that you never said it again?
Isn't it tiresome how I keep coming back to this moment?
Isn't it bewildering how I never think of you, then you are suddenly all I remember?
All
I keep thinking is that I am Scarlett O'Hara, standing on the stair
landing, calling to you. Telling you I love you. Begging you to stay.
You just turn, your Clark Gable sneer. "Frankly, my dear..."
And isn't it tragic?
Isn't it pitiful?
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